“MEDITATION IS OF the greatest importance to me; I have been meditating very regularly twice a day for more than twenty-five years. At the beginning it was all very difficult, I had no control over my thoughts and there were far too many distractions; but I gradually cut them out pretty thoroughly. More and more I gave my time and energy to the final end. I have been to various teachers and have followed several different systems of meditation, but somehow I was never satisfied with any of them – perhaps ‘satisfaction’ is not the right word. They all led to a certain point, depending on the particular system, and I found myself becoming a mere result of the system, which was not the final end. But from all these experimentations I have learned to master my thoughts completely, and my emotions also are entirely under control. I have practiced deep breathing to quiet the body and the mind. I have repeated the sacred word and fasted for long periods; morally I have been upright, and worldly things have no attraction for me. But after all these years of struggle and effort, of discipline and denial, there is not the peace, the bliss of which the Great Ones speak. On rare occasions there have been enlightening moments of deep ecstasy, the intuitive promise of greater things; but I seem unable to pierce the illusion of my own mind, and I am endlessly caught in it. A cloud of confusing despair is descending upon me and there is increasing sorrow.”

“冥想对我来说是最重要的。 二十五年来，我一直定期地每天冥想两次。 一开始这一切都非常困难， 我无法控制自己的想法，有太多的干扰； 但我逐渐将它们彻底地剪除了。 我越来越多地把我的时间和精力投入到最后的终点。 我去拜访过不同的老师，并遵循了几种不同的冥想系统， 但不知何故，我从未对其中任何一个感到满意 —— 也许“满意”不是正确的词。 它们都导致了一个特定的点，这取决于特定的系统， 我发现自己只是这个系统的结果，而不是最后的终点。 但从所有这些实验中，我学会了完全掌握我的思想， 我的情绪也完全得到控制。 我练习了深呼吸，让身体和头脑安静。 我重复了神圣的言词，并禁食了很长一段时间。 在道德上，我一直很正直，世俗的东西对我没有吸引力。 但是，经过这么多年的斗争和努力，经过戒律和抛弃， 并出现没有伟大人物所说的和平和快乐。 在极少数情况下， 才有深刻的狂喜的开悟时刻，对那更伟大的直觉上的承诺； 但是，我似乎无法刺穿自己头脑的幻觉， 我无休止地陷入其中。 一团令人困惑的绝望笼罩着我，而悲伤却越来越多。”

We were sitting on the bank of a wide river, close to the water. The town was up the river, some distance away. A boy was singing on the other bank. The sun was setting behind us and there were heavy shadows on the water. It was a beautiful still evening with masses of clouds towards the east, and the deep river seemed hardly to be flowing. To all this expanding beauty he was completely oblivious; he was wholly absorbed in his problem. We were silent, and he had closed his eyes; his stern face was calm, but inwardly there was an intense struggle going on. A flock of birds settled down at the water’s edge; their cries must have carried across the river, for presently another flock came from the other shore and joined them. There was a timeless silence covering the earth.

我们坐在一条宽阔的河岸上，靠近水边。 小镇在河边，稍微有些距离。 一个男孩在另一边唱歌。 太阳落在我们身后，水面上有沉重的阴影。 那是一个美丽的夜晚，云层向东延伸， 深邃的河水似乎几乎没有流淌。 对于所有这些不断扩大的美丽，他从未察觉到。 他完全沉浸在他的问题中。 我们沉默了，他闭上了眼睛。 他严厉的表情平静下来，但内心却有一场激烈的挣扎。 一群鸟儿在水边安顿下来。 他们的呼喊声，一定穿越过河流， 因为现在又有一群从对岸赶来，加入了他们的行列。 有一种永恒的宁静，笼罩着大地。

During all these years, have you ever stopped striving after the final end? Do not will and effort make up the ‘I’, and can the process of time lead to the eternal? “I have never consciously stopped striving after that for which my heart, my whole being longs. I dare not stop; if I did, I would fall back, I would deteriorate. It is the very nature of all things to struggle ever upwards, and without will and effort there would be stagnation; without this purposive striving, I could never go beyond and above myself.”

这些年来，在你努力追逐最后终点的过程中，是否停止过？ 不正是意志和努力制造了‘我’吗？ 时间的流转过程，能导向永恒吗？ “我从来不会有意识地停止对它的追逐， 它是我的心灵、我整个的存在，所渴望的东西。 我不敢停下；如果我停下，我就会后退，就会腐化。 一切事物的本质都是向上挣扎， 没有意志和努力，就会停滞不前。 没有这种有目的的努力，我永远无法超越自己。”

Can the ‘I’ ever free itself from its own bondage and illusions? Must not the ‘I’ cease for the nameless to be? And does not this constant striving after the final end only strengthen the self, however concentrated its desire may be? You struggle after the final end, and another pursues worldly things; your effort may be more ennobling, but it is still the desire to gain, is it not?

‘我’能从自己的束缚与幻想中解脱吗？ 为了无名的存在，难道‘我’不必消逝吗？ 这种为最终目的而进行的不断努力，难道没有强化自我吗， 无论对它的欲望有多么地专注？ 你挣扎着追逐最后的终点，另一个人追求世俗的东西； 你的努力可能更崇高，但它仍然是一种获取的欲望，不是吗？

“I have overcome all passion, all desire, except this one, which is more than desire; it is the only thing for which I live.”

“我已经战胜了所有的激情，所有的欲望， 除了这个，它不仅仅是欲望； 它是我活着的唯一目的。”

Then you must die to this too, as you are dead to other longings and desires. Through all these years of struggle and constant limitation, you have strengthened yourself in this one purpose, but it is still within the field of the ‘I’. And you want to experience the unnameable – that is your longing, is it not? “Of course. Beyond a shadow of doubt I want to know the final end, I want to experience God.”

那么，你也必须为此而死，如同你葬送的其它的期盼和欲望。 经过这些年来的奋斗和不断的限制， 你已经在这个目的上强化了自我， 但它仍然在‘我’的领域之内。 你想体验无名的东西 —— 那是你的渴望，不是吗？ “当然。超越怀疑的阴影，我想知道最后的终点， 我想体验上帝。”

The experiencer is ever being conditioned by his experience. If the experiencer is aware that he is experiencing, then the experience is the outcome of his self-projected desires. If you know you are experiencing God, then that God is the projection of your hopes and illusions. There is no freedom for the experiencer, he is forever caught in his own experiences; he is the maker of time and he can never experience the eternal.

体验者总是被他的体验所制约。 如果体验者意识到他正在体验， 那么这个体验，就是他的自我所投射出的欲望的产物。 如果你知道你正在体验上帝， 那么上帝就是你的希望与幻想的投影。 体验者没有自由， 他永远被困在他拥有的各种体验之内； 他是时间的创造者，他永远无法体验永恒。”

“Do you mean to say that that which I have diligently built up, with considerable effort and through wise choice, must be destroyed? And must I be the instrument of its destruction?”

“你的意思是说， 我辛勤建立起来的， 经过相当大的努力和明智的选择，必须被摧毁吗？ 我必须成为毁灭它的工具吗？”

Can the ‘I’ positively set about abnegating itself? If it does, its motive, its intention is to gain that which is not to be possessed. Whatever its activity, however noble its aim, any effort on the part of the ‘I’ is still within the field of its own memories, idiosyncrasies and projections, whether conscious or unconscious. The ‘I’ may divide itself into the organic ‘I’, and the ‘non-I’ or transcendental self; but this dualistic separation is an illusion in which the mind is caught. Whatever may be the movement of the mind, of the ‘I’, it can never free itself; it may go from level to level, from stupid to more intelligent choice, but its movement will always be within the sphere of its own making.

‘我’能主动地开始放弃它自己吗？ 如果它这么做， 它的动机，它的意图，是获取那些没被占有的东西。 无论它的活动是什么，无论它的目标多么崇高， ‘我’的任何努力 仍然在它自己的领域内 —— 它的记忆、特质和投射的影子内， 无论是在有意识还是无意识层面上。 ‘我’可以分为有机体的‘我’和“非我”或超验的自我； 但这种二元划分是一种错觉，而头脑被困于此。 无论头脑、‘我’如何行动，它永远无法自由。 它可能会从一个层次到另一个层次， 从愚蠢的选择到更聪明的选择， 但它的行为将永远在它自己创造的范围内。

“You seem to cut off all hope. What is one to do?”

“你似乎切断了所有的希望。该怎么办？”

You must be completely denuded, without the weight of the past or the enticement of a hopeful future – which does not mean despair. If you are in despair, there is no emptiness, no nakedness. You cannot ‘do’ anything. You can and must be still, without any hope, longing, or desire; but you cannot determine to be still, suppressing all noise, for in that very effort there is noise. Silence is not the opposite of noise.

你必须完全被剥夺， 没有过去的重量或来自于充满希望的未来的诱惑 —— 这并不意味着绝望。 如果你绝望，就无法空虚、赤裸。 你不能‘做’任何事情。 你能而且必须停下，不带任何的希望、渴望或欲望； 但你不能下决心保持不动，镇压所有的噪音， 因为这个下决心的抉择，就是噪音。 静，不是噪音的对立面。

“But in my present state, what is to be done?”

“但是在我现在的状态下，该怎么办？”

If it may be pointed out, you are so eager to get on, so impatient to have some positive direction, that you are not really listening.

如果可以指出的话， 你是如此热切地想要继续下去，如此不耐烦地想要一些主动性的指示， 以至于你并没有真正地听。

The evening star was reflected in the peaceful river.

傍晚的星星倒映在平静的河流。

Early next morning he came back. The sun was just showing itself above the treetops, and there was a mist over the river. A boat with wide sails, heavily laden with firewood, was lazily floating down the river; except for the one at the rudder, the men were all asleep on different parts of the boat. It was very still, and the daily human activities along the river had not yet begun.

第二天一大早，他回来了。 太阳刚刚在树梢上显露， 河面上有薄雾。 一艘宽帆的船，满载着木柴，懒洋洋地漂浮于河上。 除了掌舵人，人们都在船的不同地方睡着了。 非常的宁静，河边的人类日常活动尚未开始。

“In spite of my outward impatience and anxiety, inwardly I must have been alert to what you were saying yesterday, for when I woke up this morning there was a certain sense of freedom and a clarity that comes with understanding. I did my usual morning meditation for an hour before sunrise, and I am not at all sure that my mind isn’t caught in a number of widening illusions. May we proceed from where we left off?”

“尽管我表面上不耐烦和焦虑， 但内心一定对你昨天所说的话保持着警惕， 因为当我今天早上醒来时， 有一种自由感和一种理解带来的清晰度。 我在日出前，做了一个小时的晨冥想， 我完全不确定我的大脑是否陷入了许多不断扩大的幻觉中。 我们可以从我们离开的地方继续前进吗？”

We cannot begin exactly where we left off, but we can look at our problem afresh. The outward and inward mind is ceaselessly active receiving impressions; caught in its memories and reactions; it is an aggregate of many desires and conflicts. It functions only within the field of time, and in that field there is contradiction, the opposition of will or desire, which is effort. This psychological activity of the ‘I’, of the ‘me’ and the ‘mine’, must cease, for such activity causes problems and brings about various forms of agitation and disorder. But any effort to stop this activity only makes for greater activity and agitation.

我们不能从我们离开的地方开始， 但我们可以重新审视我们的问题。 外在和内在的头脑在不断地、活跃地接收印象； 陷入它的记忆和反应之中； 它是许多欲望和冲突的集合体。 它只在时间的领域内起作用， 在那个领域，存在着相互矛盾、相互对立的意志或欲望，这也就是努力。 ‘我’的这种心理活动，‘我’和“我的”的心理活动，必须停下， 因为这种活动会引发问题， 带来各种形式的躁动和混乱。 但是，任何阻止这种活动的努力 都只会带来更大的活动和焦虑。

“That is true, I have noticed it. The more one tries to make the mind still, the more resistance there is, and one’s effort is spent in overcoming this resistance; so it becomes a vicious and unbreakable circle.”

“那是真的，我注意到了它。 一个人越是试图使头脑静止，阻力就越大， 而一个人的努力就花在克服这种阻力上。 所以它变成了一个恶性的和牢不可破的循环。”

If you are aware of the viciousness of this circle and realize that you cannot break it, then with this realization the censor, the observer, ceases to be. “That seems to be the most difficult thing to do: to suppress the observer. I have tried, but so far I have never been able to succeed. How is one to do it?”

如果你意识到这个循环的恶性， 并意识到你无法打破它， 那么有了这种认识，审查者，观察者，就不再出现了。 “这似乎是最困难的事情：压制观察者。 我尝试过，但到目前为止，我从未成功过。一个人是怎么做到的？”

Are you not still thinking in terms of the ‘I’ and the ‘non-I’? Are you not maintaining this dualism within the mind by word, by the constant repetition of experience and habit? After all, the thinker and his thought are not two different processes, but we make them so in order to attain a desired end. The censor comes into being with desire. Our problem is not how to suppress the censor, but to understand desire.

你不是还在思考‘我’和“非我”吗？ 难道你不是通过言语，通过不断重复的体验和习惯， 在头脑中维持着这种二元性的冲突吗？ 毕竟，思想者和他的思想不是两个不同的过程， 但我们这样做，是为了达到一个理想的目的。 审查者伴随着欲望而生。 我们的问题不在于如何压制审查者，而在于理解欲望。

“There must be an entity which is capable of understanding, a state which is apart from ignorance.”

“必须有一个能够理解的实体， 一个与无知无关的状态。”

The entity which says, ‘I understand’ is still within the field of the mind; it is still the observer, the censor, is it not? “Of course it is; but I do not see how this observer can be eradicated. And can it be?”

那个说‘我理解’的实体，仍然在头脑的领域内； 它仍然是观察者、审判长，不是吗？ “当然是。但我看不出如何才能根除这个观察者。 它能够做到吗？”

Let us see. We were saying that it is essential to understand desire. Desire can and does divide itself into pleasure and pain, wisdom and ignorance; one desire opposes another, the more profitable conflicts with the less profitable, and so on. Though for various reasons it may separate itself, desire is in fact an invisible process, is it not?

让我们来看。我们说，理解欲望是至关重要的。 欲望可以而且确实将自己分为快乐与痛苦，智慧与无知； 一种欲望与另一种欲望互相对立， 更高的利润与更低的，诸如此类。 虽然由于各种原因，它可能会分离自己， 但欲望实际上是一个不可见的过程，不是吗？

“This is a difficult thing to grasp. I am so used to opposing one desire by another, to suppressing and transforming desire, that I cannot as yet be fully aware of desire as a single, unitary process; but now that you have pointed it out, I am beginning to feel that it is so.”

“这是一件很难掌握的东西。 我习惯于一个又一个地反对另一个欲望， 习惯于压抑和转化欲望， 以至于我还不能完全意识到欲望是一个单一的、统一的进程。 但现在你已经指出来了，我开始觉得是这样的。”

Desire may break itself up into many opposing and conflicting urges, but it is still desire. These many urges go to make up the ‘I’, with its memories, anxieties, fears, and so on, and the entire activity of this ‘I’ is within the field of desire; it has no other field of activity. That is so, is it not?

欲望可能会分化出很多对立与冲突的冲动， 但它仍然是欲望。 这些许多的冲动，构成了‘我’， 伴随着它的记忆、焦虑、恐惧等等， 这个‘我’的整个活动都在欲望的领域内； 它没有其他的活动领域。 就是那样，不是吗？

“Please go on. I am listening with my whole being, trying to go beyond the words, deeply and without effort.”

“请继续。 我全心全意地倾听，试图超越言语， 深入而毫不努力。”

Our problem, then, is this: is it possible for the activity of desire to come to an end voluntarily, freely, without any form of compulsion? It is only when this happens that the mind can be still. If you are aware of this as a fact, does not the activity of desire come to an end? “Only for a very brief period; then once again the habitual activity begins. How can this be stopped?.. But as I ask, I see the absurdity of asking!”

那么，我们的问题是： 欲望的活动是否有可能在没有任何形式的强迫的情况下，自愿地、自由地结束？ 只有当这种情况发生时，头脑才能停摆。 如果你意识到这一个事实， 那么欲望的活动难道不会结束吗？ “只是在很短的时间内；然后再次开始习惯性活动。 如何阻止这种情况?…… 但正如我所问的，我看到了问题的荒谬！”

You see how greedy we are; we want ever more and more. The demand for the cessation of the ‘I’ becomes the new activity of the ‘I; but it is not new, it is merely another form of desire. Only when the mind is spontaneously still can the other, that which is not of the mind, come into being.

你看我们是多么地贪婪； 我们想要更多，再多一些。 要求‘我’停下的想法，变成了‘我’的新活动； 但它不是新的，它只是另一种形式的欲望。 只有当头脑自发地停下时， 另一个，不属于头脑的东西才能出现。