Question: What place has criticism in relationship? What is the difference between destructive and constructive criticism?

问题：批评在关系中占什么位置？ 破坏性批评和建设性批评有什么区别？

Krishnamurti: First of all, why do we criticize? Is it in order to understand? Or is it merely a nagging process? If I criticize you, do I understand you? Does understanding come through judgement? If I want to comprehend, if I want to understand not superficially but deeply the whole significance of my relationship to you, do I begin to criticize you? Or am I aware of this relationship between you and me, silently observing it - not projecting my opinions, criticisms, judgements, identifications or condemnations, but silently observing what is happening? And if I do not criticize, what happens?

首先，我们为什么要批评？是为了理解吗？ 还是只是一个唠叨的过程？如果我批评你，我理解你吗？ 理解是通过判断而来的吗？ 如果我想领悟， 如果我想理解，不是肤浅地，而是深刻地理解我与你的关系的全部意义， 我会以批评你的方式开始吗？ 还是我意识到你我之间的这种关系，默默地观察它 —— 不投射我的意见、批评、判断、认同或谴责， 而是安静地观察在发生什么？ 如果我不去批评，在发生什么？

One is apt to go to sleep, is one not? Which does not mean that we do not go to sleep if we are nagging. Perhaps that becomes a habit and we put ourselves to sleep through habit. Is there a deeper, wider understanding of relationship, through criticism? It doesn't matter whether criticism is constructive or destructive - that is irrelevant, surely. Therefore the question is: "What is the necessary state of mind and heart that will understand relationship?" What is the process of understanding? How do we understand something?

一个人很容易打瞌睡，不是吗？ 这并不意味着如果我们在唠叨，我们就不瞌睡。 也许这变成了一种习惯，我们通过习惯让自己入睡。 通过批评，会对关系有更深入、更广泛的理解吗？ 批评是建设性的还是破坏性的并不重要 —— 那当然是无关紧要的。 因此，问题是： “要理解关系，必要的心灵和头脑状态是什么？” 理解的过程是什么？我们如何理解某个事物？

How do you understand your child, if you are interested in your child? You observe, don't you? You watch him at play, you study him in his different moods; you don't project your opinion on to him. You don't say he should be this or that. You are alertly watchful, aren't you?, actively aware. Then, perhaps, you begin to understand the child. If you are constantly criticizing, constantly injecting your own particular personality, your idiosyncrasies, your opinions, deciding the way he should or should not be, and all the rest of it, obviously you create a barrier in that relationship.

如果您对您的孩子感兴趣，您如何理解您的孩子？ 你观察，不是吗？ 你看着他玩耍，你研究他不同的情绪； 你不会把你的意见投射到他身上。 你不会说他应该是这样或那样。 你警觉地观察，不是吗？，活泼地觉知。 然后，或许，你开始理解这个孩子。 如果你不断地批评， 不断注入你自己的特殊个性，你的特质，你的意见， 决定他应该或不应该这样做，以及有余一切， 显然，你是在关系中制造障碍。

Unfortunately most of us criticize in order to shape, in order to interfere; it gives us a certain amount of pleasure, a certain gratification, to shape something - the relationship with a husband, child or whoever it may be. You feel a sense of power in it, you are the boss, and in that there is a tremendous gratification. Surely through all that process there is no understanding of relationship. There is mere imposition, the desire to mould another to the particular pattern of your idiosyncrasy, your desire, your wish. All these prevent, do they not?, the understanding of relationship.

不幸的是，我们大多数人批评是为了塑造，为了干涉； 它带给我们一定的快感，一定的满足感，塑造某人 —— 在对丈夫、孩子或任何人的关系中。 你在其中感受到一种权力感，你是老板，里面有一种巨大的满足感。 当然，在这整个过程中，并没有对关系的理解。 有的只是强迫， 渴望塑造他人，以适应你的特质，你的欲望，你所想要的特定模式。 所有这些都阻碍了对关系的理解，不是吗？

Then there is self-criticism. To be critical of oneself, to criticize, condemn, or justify oneself - does that bring understanding of oneself? When I begin to criticize myself, do I not limit the process of understanding, of exploring? Does introspection, a form of self-criticism, unfold the self? What makes the unfoldment of the self possible? To be constantly analytical, fearful, critical - surely that does not help to unfold.

然后是自我批评。 批评自己，批评、谴责或为自己辩护 —— 这会带来对自己的理解吗？当我开始批评自己时， 我不是在限制理解和探索的过程吗？ 反省是一种自我批评的形式吗，会让自我展现吗？ 是什么让自我的展现成为可能？ 不断分析，恐惧，批判 —— 当然无助于其展现。

What brings about the unfoldment of the self so that you begin to understand it is the constant awareness of it without any condemnation, without any identification. There must be a certain spontaneity; you cannot be constantly analysing it, disciplining it, shaping it. This spontaneity is essential to understanding. If I merely limit, control, condemn, then I put a stop to the movement of thought and feeling, do I not? It is in the movement of thought and feeling that I discover - not in mere control.

是什么带来了自我的展现， 以至于你开始理解它，对它的持续觉知，不带任何谴责，任何识别。 这必定有一种自性； 你不能不断去分析它，训练它，塑造它。 这种自性对于理解至关重要。 如果我只是限制、控制、谴责，那么我就在阻止思想和感觉的运动，我不是吗？ 我要发现的是思想和感觉的运动 —— 而不是控制。

When one discovers, then it is important to find out how to act about it. If I act according to an idea, according to a standard, according to an ideal, then I force the self into a particular pattern. In that there is no understanding, there is no transcending. If I can watch the self without any condemnation, without any identification, then it is possible to go beyond it. That is why this whole process of approximating oneself to an ideal is so utterly wrong. Ideals are homemade gods and to conform to a self-projected image is surely not a release.

当一个人发现时，重要的是要找出如何采取行动。 如果我按照一个想法，按照一个标准，按照一个理念行事， 那样的话，我就强迫自己进入了一个特定的模式。 在那裡沒有理解，也就无法超越。 如果我能不带任何谴责，不带任何认同地观察自我，那就有可能超越它。 这就是为什么让自己去靠近理念的这种行为，是如此彻底地错误。 理念是人为制造的神灵，遵从自我的投影当然不是一种解放。

Thus there can be understanding only when the mind is silently aware, observing - which is arduous, because we take delight in being active, in being restless, critical, in condemning, justifying. That is our whole structure of being; and, through the screen of ideas, prejudices, points of view, experiences, memories, we try to understand. Is it possible to be free of all these screens and so understand directly?

因此，只有当这颗脑袋安静地觉知、观察时，才有理解。 —— 这是艰辛的， 因为我们以积极、躁动、批判、谴责、辩解为乐。 这就是我们生活的整个结构； 而且，通过思想、偏见、观点、体验、记忆的屏幕，我们试图理解。 有可能摆脱所有这些屏幕，从而直接地理解吗？

Surely we do that when the problem is very intense; we do not go through all these methods - we approach it directly. The understanding of relationship comes only when this process of self-criticism is understood and the mind is quiet. If you are listening to me and are trying to follow, with not too great an effort, what I wish to convey, then there is a possibility of our understanding each other. But if you are all the time criticizing, throwing up your opinions, what you have learned from books, what somebody else has told you and so on and so on, then you and I are not related, because this screen is between us.

当然，当问题非常严重时，我们会这样做； 我们不会通过所有这些方法 —— 我们直接靠近它。 只有当这种自我批评的过程被理解并且头脑安静时，对关系的理解才会出现。 如果你听我说话，并试图跟随我试图传达的内容，而没费太多力气， 那么我们有可能相互理解。 但如果你一直在批评， 抛出你的观点，你从书本上学到的东西，别人告诉你的东西等等， 那么你和我就没有关联，因为这个屏幕横亘在我们之间。

If we are both trying to find out the issues of the problem, which lie in the problem itself, if both of us are eager to go to the bottom of it, find the truth of it, discover what it is - then we are related. Then your mind is both alert and passive, watching to see what is true in this. Therefore your mind must be extraordinarily swift, not anchored to any idea or ideal, to any judgement, to any opinion that you have consolidated through your particular experiences. Understanding comes, surely, when there is the swift pliability of a mind which is passively aware. Then it is capable of reception, then it is sensitive. A mind is not sensitive when it is crowded with ideas, prejudices, opinions, either for or against.

如果我们都试图找出问题的要点，而要点就在问题之中， 如果我们俩都想把它翻个底朝天，找出它的真相，发现它是什么 —— 那么我们就有关联。 那么你的头脑既警觉又被动，观察着其中的真假。 因此，你的头脑必须非常迅速， 不依赖于任何想法或理念，任何判断，任何观点 —— 那些通过你的特定经验而被建立的东西。 当然，当有了一个处于被動而警觉下的迅捷而柔韧的头脑，理解就會到來。 那么它能够接收，还很灵敏。 当一个头脑淹没在想法、偏见、观点中 —— 无论是支持还是反对，它就不敏感了。

To understand relationship, there must be a passive awareness - which does not destroy relationship. On the contrary, it makes relationship much more vital, much more significant. Then there is in that relationship a possibility of real affection; there is a warmth, a sense of nearness, which is not mere sentiment or sensation. If we can so approach or be in that relationship to everything, then our problems will be easily solved - the problems of property, the problems of possession, because we are that which we possess. The man who possesses money is the money. The man who identifies himself with property is the property or the house or the furniture. Similarly with ideas or with people; when there is possessiveness, there is no relationship.

要理解关系，必须有一种被动的警觉 —— 它不会去破坏关系。 相反，它使关系更加生动，更有意义。 那么，在这种关系中就有了真情的可能性； 有一种温暖，一种亲近感，这不仅仅是情感或感觉。 如果我们能如此接近或与一切事物保持这种关系， 那么我们的问题将很容易解决 —— 财产问题，占有问题， 因为我们就是我们拥有的东西。拥有钱的人就是钱。 认同于财产的人就是财产、房子或家具。 同样，认同于想法或人，也是如此； 哪里有占据，哪里就没有关系。

Most of us possess because we have nothing else if we do not possess. We are empty shells if we do not possess, if we do not fill our life with furniture, with music, with knowledge, with this or that. And that shell makes a lot of noise and that noise we call living; and with that we are satisfied. When there is a disruption, a breaking away of that, then there is sorrow, because then you suddenly discover yourself as you are - an empty shell, without much meaning. To be aware of the whole content of relationship is action, and from that action there is a possibility of true relationship, a possibility of discovering its great depth, its great significance and of knowing what love is.

我们大多数人都在占据，因为如果我们不占据，我们就没有别的东西。 如果我们不占有，如果我们不用家具、音乐、知识、这个或那个填满我们的生命， 我们就是空壳。 那个外壳发出了很多噪音，我们称之为生活；我们对此感到满意。 当出现了中断，出现了断裂时，就产生了悲伤， 因为那时你突然发现，你还是你原来的样子 —— 一个空壳，没多大意义。 觉察到关系的全部内容，即是行动， 从那个行动中，有可能建立真正的关系， 一种发现它的伟大深度、它伟大的意义和知道什么是爱的可能性。