对生活的评注 2-32

IT WAS AN enchanted evening. The hilltops were aglow with the setting sun, and in the sand on the path that led across the valley, four woodpeckers were taking a bath. With their longish beaks they would pull the sand under them, their wings would flutter as they pushed their bodies deeper into it, and then they would begin all over again, the tufts on their heads bobbing up and down. They were calling to each other and enjoying themselves thoroughly. Not to disturb them we stepped off the path onto the short, thick grass of recent rains; and there, a few feet away, was a large snake, yellowish and powerful. Its head was sleek, painted, and cruelly shaped. It was too intent on those birds to be disturbed, its black eyes watching without movement and its black, forked tongue darting in and out. Almost imperceptibly it was moving towards the birds, its scales making no noise on the grass. It was a cobra, and there was death about it. Dangerous but beautiful, it was shiny in the darkening light, and it must recently have shed its old skin. Suddenly the four birds took to the air with a cry, and then we saw an extraordinary thing take place: a cobra relax. It had been so eager, so tense, and now it seemed almost lifeless, part of the earth - but in a second, fatal. It moved with ease and only lifted its head when we made a slight noise, but with it went a peculiar stillness, the stillness of fear and death.

一个迷人的夜晚。山顶被夕阳临照，在穿过山谷的小路上的沙子里，四只啄木鸟正在洗澡。用他们长长的喙，他们会把沙子拉到他们的下方，他们的翅膀会扇动，以便于他们把身体推得更深，然后他们会重新开始，他们头上的簇绒在上下地摆动。他们互相呼唤，很是享受。为了不打扰他们，我们离开了小路，走向最近刚下过雨的短而茂密的草地上。在那里，几英尺远的地方，有一条大蛇，淡黄色而强壮。它的头部光滑，彩绘，形状残酷。它太专注于那些鸟儿，而没被打扰到，它那双黑色的眼睛一动不动地看着，它黑色的、叉开的舌头进进出出。几乎在不知不觉中，它正向着鸟儿们移动，它的鳞片在草地上没有发出任何声音。它是一条眼镜蛇，具有死亡属性。它危险而美丽，在黑暗的光线下闪闪发光，它一定是最近脱落了旧皮肤。突然，四只鸟尖叫着飞向空中，然后我们看到一件非同寻常的事情发生了：眼镜蛇放松了。它是如此的渴望，如此的紧张，现在它看起来几乎毫无生气，是地球的一部分 —— 但在一秒钟内，是致命的。它舒缓地移动，只有在我们发出轻微的声音时才抬起头，随之而来的，是一种奇特的静止，恐惧和死亡的静止。

She was a small, elderly lady with white hair, but was well preserved. Though gentle of speech, her figure, her walk, her gestures and the way she held her head, all showed a deep-rooted aggressiveness which her voice did not conceal. She had a large family, several sons and daughters, but her husband been dead for some time and she alone had had to bring them up. One of her sons, she said with evident pride, was a successful doctor with a large practice, and also a good surgeon. One of her daughters was a clever and successful politician, and without too much difficulty was getting her own way; she said this with a smile which implied, "You know what women are". She went on explain that this political lady had spiritual aspirations.

她是个身材矮小的老太太，头发苍白，但保养完好。虽然说话温柔，但她的身材，她的走路，她的手势和她控制脑袋的方式，都表现出一种根深蒂固的攻击性，她的声音无法掩盖。她属于一个大家庭，有几个儿子和女儿，但她的丈夫已经死了一段时间，而她不得不抚养他们。她自豪地说，她的一个儿子显然是一位成功的医生，拥有大量的实践，也是一位优秀的外科医生。她的一个女儿是一位聪明而成功的政治家，她毫不费力地走上了自己的道路。她笑着说这话，暗示着，“你知道女人是什么”。她接着解释说，这位政治女士有灵性上的志向。

What do you mean by spiritual aspirations? "She wants to be the head of some religious or philosophical group."

你说的灵性上的志向是什么意思？ “她想成为某个宗教或哲学团体的领袖。”

To have power over others through an organization is surely evil, is it not? That is the way of all politicians whether they are in politics or not. You may hide it under pleasant and deceptive words, but is not the desire for power always evil?

通过一个组织而获取凌驾于他人之上的权力，肯定是邪恶的，不是吗？这是所有政治家的方式，无论他们是否在从政。你可以把它隐匿在令人愉快的、具有欺骗性的言语之下，但对权力的渴望，总是邪恶的。不是吗？

She listened, but what was being said had no meaning to her. It was written on her face that she was concerned about something, and what it was would presently emerge. She went on to tell of the activities of her other children, all of whom were vigorous and doing well except the one she really loved.

她听着，但所说的话对她来说毫无意义。她的脸上写着她在担心某件事，现在会出现什么。她接着讲述了其他孩子的活动，除了她真正爱的孩子之外，他们都很精力充沛，做得很好。

"What is sorrow?" she suddenly asked. "Somewhere in the background I seem to have had it all my life. Though all but one of my children are well off and contented, sorrow has been constantly with me. I can't put my finger on it, but it has pursued me, and I often lie awake at night wondering what it is all about. I am also concerned about my youngest son. You see, he is a failure. Whatever he touches goes to pieces: his marriage, his relationship with his brothers and sisters, and with his friends. He almost never has a job, and when he does get one something happens and he's out. He seems incapable of being helped. I worry about him, and though he adds to my sorrow, I don't think he is the root of it. What is sorrow? I have had anxieties, disappointments and physical pain, but this pervading sorrow is something beyond all that, and I have not been able to find its cause. Could we talk about it?"

“什么是悲伤？”她突然问道。 “在背后的某个地方，仿佛我的一生都处于悲伤之中。虽然除了一个孩子之外，我的孩子都过得很富裕，很满足，但悲伤一直伴随着我。我不能把我的手指放在它上面，但它一直在追逐我，我经常在晚上醒来，想知道它到底是什么。我也担心我最小的儿子。你看，他是个失败者。无论他触及什么，都会支离破碎：他的婚姻，他与兄弟姐妹的关系，以及与他朋友的关系。他几乎从来没有工作过，当他得到一份工作时，发生了一些事情，他就离职了。他似乎无法得到帮助。我担心他，虽然他增加了我的悲伤，但我不认为他是根源。什么是悲伤？我有焦虑、失望和身体上的痛苦，但这种无处不在的悲伤超出了这一切，我无法找到它的原因。我们能谈谈吗？”

You are very proud of your children and especially of their success, are you not? "I think any parent would be as they have all made good except the last one. They are prosperous and happy. But why are you asking that question?"

你为你的孩子们感到非常自豪，特别是为他们的成功感到自豪，不是吗？ “我认为任何父母都会这样，除了最后一个之外，他们都做得很好。他们富裕而快乐。但你为什么要问这个问题呢？”

It may have something to do with your sorrow. Are you sure that your sorrow has nothing to do with their success? "Of course; on the contrary, I am very happy about it."

这可能与你的悲伤有关。你确定你的悲伤与他们的成功无关吗？ “当然了；正好相反，我对此感到非常高兴。”

What do you think is the root of your sorrow? If one may ask, did the death of your husband affect you very deeply? Are you still affected by it? "It was a great shock and I was very lonely after his death, but I soon forgot my loneliness and sorrow as there were the children to be seen to and I had no time to think about myself."

你认为，你悲伤的根源是什么？如果有人可以问，你丈夫的死对你的影响很深吗？你还受到它的影响吗？ “这是一个巨大的震惊，在他死后我非常孤独，但我很快就忘记了我的孤独和悲伤，因为有孩子们需要被照看，我没有时间去考虑自己。”

Do you think that time wipes away loneliness and sorrow? Are they not still there, buried in the deeper layers of your mind, even though you may have forgotten them? May it not be that these are the cause of your conscious sorrow?

你认为时间可以消除孤独和悲伤吗？难道它们不仍然在那里，埋藏在你头脑的更深处，即使你可能已经忘记了它们？难道这些不是你所意识到的悲伤的原因吗？”

"As I say, the death of my husband was a shock, but somehow it was to be expected, and with tears I accepted it. As a girl, before I married I saw my father's death and some years later that of my mother also; but I have never been interested in official religion, and all this clamour for explanations of death and the hereafter has never bothered me. Death is inevitable, and let us accept it with as little noise as possible."

“正如我所说，我丈夫的死令人震惊，但不知何故，这是意料之中的，我流着泪接受了它。作为一个女孩子，在我结婚之前，我看到我父亲的去世，几年后我母亲也去世了。但我从未对正规的宗教感兴趣，所有这些要求解释死亡和后世的呼声，从未困扰过我。死亡是不可避免的，让我们以尽可能少的噪音去接受它。”

That may be the way you regard death, but is loneliness to be so easily reasoned away? Death is something of tomorrow, to be faced perhaps, when it comes; but is not loneliness ever present? You may deliberately shut it out, but it is still there behind the door. Should you not invite loneliness and look at it? "I don't know about that. Loneliness is most unpleasant, and I doubt if I can go so far as to invite that awful feeling. It is really quite frightening."

这也许是你看待死亡的方式，但孤独能如此轻易地被合理化吗？死亡是明天的事情，也许要面对，当它来临时；但孤独难道不是总是存在着吗？你可能会故意把它关在外面，但它仍然在门后。难道你不应该邀请孤独，去接待它吗？ “我不知道。孤独是最不愉快的，我怀疑我是否有勇气邀请那种可怕的感觉。它真的很可怕。”

Must you not understand it fully, since that may be the cause of your sorrow?

难道你不必完全地理解它吗，也许，它可能就是你悲伤的原因？

"But how am I to understand it when it is the very thing that gives me pain?"

“但是，当它正是给我带来痛苦的时候，我该如何理解它？”

Loneliness does not give you pain, but the idea of loneliness causes fear. You have never experienced the state of loneliness. You have always approached it with apprehension dread with the urge to get away from it or to find a way to overcome it; so you have avoided it, have you not? You have really never come directly into contact with it. To put loneliness away from you, you have escaped into the activities of your children and their success. Their success has become yours; but behind this worship of success, is there not some deep concern?

孤独不会给你带来痛苦，但孤独的想法会引起恐惧。你从未体验过孤独的状态。你总是带着忧虑的恐惧来接近它，并抱有想要摆脱它的冲动，或想要找到克服它的方法；所以你在躲避它，不是吗？你真的从来没有直接地触碰它。为了把孤独从你身边移开，你已经逃进了你的孩子们的活动中，逃进了他们的成功里。他们的成功已经变成了你的成功；但在这种对成功的崇拜背后，难道没有一些深深的忧虑吗？

“你怎么知道？”

The thing you escape into - the radio, social activity, a particular dogma, so-called love, and so on - becomes all-important, as necessary to you as drink to the drunkard. One may lose oneself in the worship of success, or in the worship of an image, or in some ideal; but all ideals are illusory, and in the very losing of oneself there is anxiety. If one may point out, your children's success has been to you a source of pain, for you have a deeper concern about them and about yourself. In spite of your admiration of their success and of the applause they have received from the public, is there not behind it a sense of shame, of disgust, or disappointment? please forgive me for asking, but are you not deeply distressed about their success?

你逃避的东西 —— 广播、社交活动、一种特定的教条、所谓的爱等等 —— 对你来说变得至关重要，就像酒对酒鬼一样。一个人可能会在对成功的崇拜中迷失自己，或者在对形象的崇拜中迷失自己，或者在某种理想中迷失自己；但所有的理想都是虚幻的，在自我迷失的时候，就产生出焦虑。如果有人可以指出，你的孩子们的成功对你来说是痛苦的根源，因为你对他们和你自己有更深的关心。尽管你钦佩他们的成功和他们从公众那里得到的掌声，但在背后，难道没有羞耻感、厌恶感或失望感吗？请原谅我的提问，但是，你难道不是在为他们的成功而感到深深的苦恼吗？

"You know, sir, I have never dared to acknowledge, even to myself the nature of this distress, but it is as you say."

“你知道，先生，我从来都不敢承认，甚至对自己来说，这痛苦的本质，却正如你所说。”

Do you want to go into it? "Now, of course, I do want to go into it. You see, I have always been religious without belonging to any religion. Here and there I have read about religious matters, but I have never been caught in any so-called religious organization. Organized religion has seemed too distant and not sufficiently intimate. Beneath my worldly life, however, there has always been a vague religious groping, and when I began to have children, this groping took the form of a deep hope that one of my children would be religiously inclined. And not one of them is; they have all become prosperous and worldly, except the last one, who is a mixture of everything. All of them are really mediocre, and that is what hurts. They are engrossed in their worldliness. It all seems so superficial and silly, but I haven't discussed it with any of them, and even if I did, they wouldn't understand what I was talking about. I thought that at least one of them would be different, and I am horrified at their mediocrity and my own. It is this, I suppose, that is causing my sorrow. What can one do to break up this stupid state?"

你想进入它吗？ “现在，当然，我确实想进入它。你看，我一直很虔诚，不隶属于任何宗教。我到处读到关于宗教事务的文章，但我从未被任何所谓的宗教组织所困。有组织的宗教似乎太遥远，不够亲密。然而，在我世俗的生活之下，一直有一种模糊的宗教摸索，当我开始生孩子的时候，这种摸索的形式是深深地希望我的一个孩子会有宗教倾向。却没有一个孩子有；他们都变得荣华和世俗，除了最后一个，他是一切的混合体。他们都非常平庸，这就是伤心。他们全神贯注于自己的世俗性。这一切看起来都是那么地肤浅和愚蠢，但我没有和他们中的任何一个人讨论过，即使我这样做了，他们也不会理解我在说什么。我以为他们中至少有一个人会有所不同，我对他们的平庸和我自己的平庸感到震惊。我想，正是这一点引起了我的悲伤。一个人能做些什么来打破这种愚蠢的状态？”

In oneself or in another? One can only break up mediocrity in oneself, and then perhaps a different relationship with others may arise. To know that one is mediocre is already the beginning of change, is it not? But a petty mind, becoming aware of itself, frantically tries to change, to improve, and this very urge is mediocre. Any desire for self-improvement is petty. When the mind knows that it is mediocre and does not act upon itself, there is the breaking up of mediocrity.

在自己身上，还是在别人身上？一个人只能打破自己内在的平庸，那么，也许会与他人产生不同的关系。知道一个人是平庸的，就是转变的开始，不是吗？但是一个琐碎的头脑，意识到了它自己，疯狂地试图改变、改善，而这种冲动，就是平庸。任何一种自我完善的欲望，都是微不足道的。当头脑知道它是平庸的，不会对自己采取行动的时候，平庸就会破裂。

"What do you mean by 'act upon itself?'"

“你说的‘对自己采取行动’是什么意思？”

If a petty mind, realizing it is petty, makes an effort to change itself, is it not still petty? The effort to change is born of a petty mind, therefore that very effort is petty. "Yes, I see that, but what can one do?"

如果一个琐碎的头脑，意识到它的渺小，而去努力改变自己，它不仍然是琐碎的吗？改变的努力源于一个渺小的头脑，因此这种努力本身就是微不足道的。 “是的，我看到了，但是一个人能做些什么呢？”