对生活的评注 3-27

THE RIVER THAT morning was grey, like molten lead. The sun rose out of the sleeping woods, big, with burning radiance, but the clouds just over the horizon soon hid it; and all day long the sun and the clouds were at war with each other for final victory. Generally there were fisherman on the river, in their gondola-shaped boats; but that morning they were absent, and the river was alone. The bloated carcass of some large animal came floating by, and several vultures were on it, screeching and tearing at the flesh, Others wanted their share, but they were driven off with huge, flapping wings, till those already on the body had had their fill. The crows, furiously cawing, tried to get in between the larger, clumsier birds, but they had no chance. Except for this noise and flutter around the dead body, the wide, curving river was peaceful. The village on the other bank had been awake for an hour or two. The villagers were shouting to each other, and their strong voices came clearly over the water. That shouting had something pleasant about it; it was warm and friendly. A voice would call from across the river, rolling along in the clear air, and another would answer it from somewhere up-stream, or from the opposite bank. None of this seemed to disturb the quietness of the morning, in which there was a sense of great, abiding peace.

那天早上，河是灰色的，像熔化的铅。太阳从沉睡的树林中升起，很大，闪耀着灼热的光芒，但地平线上的云层很快就把它藏了起来。一整天，太阳和云层都在为最后的胜利而相互争斗。平日里，河上有渔民，在他们那两头尖尖的平底船上；但那天早上，他们没有出现，河水独自在那儿。一些大型动物臃肿的尸体飘过，几只秃鹫在上面，尖叫着撕扯着肉体，其他几只想要他们的一份，但被那只巨大的、拍打着的翅膀秃鹫赶走了，直到些在尸体附近的秃鹫们吃饱。乌鸦疯狂地叫着，试图在这些更大、更丑陋的鸟群之间穿行，但它们没机会。除了尸体周围的这种噪音和颤动之外，宽阔弯曲的河流是平静的。河岸边的村子已经醒了一两个小时。村民们相互招呼，他们强烈的声音清晰地传遍了水面。那呼叫声中，有某些令人愉快的东西；它很温暖、友好。一个声音会从河对岸呼唤，在晴朗的空气中滚动，另一个声音会从上游的某个地方或对岸回应。这些似乎都没有打扰到早晨的宁静，其中有一种伟大而持久的和平。

The car went along a rough, neglected road, raising a cloud of dust which settled on the trees and on the few villagers who were making their way to and from the filthy, sprawling town. School children also used that road, but they didn’t seem to mind the dust; they were too engrossed in their laughter and their play. Entering the main road, the car passed through the town, crossed the railway, and soon was again in the clean, open country. It was beautiful here; there were cows and goats in the green fields and under the huge, old trees, and it was as though you had never seen them before. passing through the town, with its filth and squalor, seemed to have taken away the beauty of the earth; but now it was given back to you again, and you were surprised to see the goodness of the earth, and of the things of the earth. There were camels, big and well-fed, each carrying a great bundle of jute. They never hurried, but kept a steady gait, with their heads held straight up in the air; and on top of each bundle sat a man, urging the awkward beast forward. With a shock of astonishment you saw on that road two huge, slow-swinging elephants, gaily covered with gold-embroidered red cloth, their tusks decorated with silver bands. They were being taken to some religious affair, and were dressed for the occasion; but they were stopped, and there was a conversation. Their huge bulk towered above you; but they were gentle, all enmity and anger were gone. You stroked their rough skin; the tip of a trunk touched your palm softly, curiously, and moved away. The man shouted to get them going again, and the earth seemed to move with them. A small, two-wheeled carriage came along, drawn by a thin, worn-out horse; it had no top, and was carrying a dead human body, wrapped in white cloth. The body was loosely tied to the floor of the unsprung vehicle, and as the horse trotted along over the uneven road, both driver and corpse were bouncing up and down.

汽车沿着一条崎岖不平的、被忽视的道路行驶，尘土飞扬，尘埃落在树上、落在几个村民的身上，他们正往返于这个肮脏的、正在扩张的城镇。学龄儿童也使用过这条路，但他们似乎并不介意灰尘。他们太沉迷于他们的笑声和玩耍。进入主干道，车穿过城镇，穿过铁路，很快又回到干净、开阔的乡村。这里很美；在绿色的田野里和巨大的老树下有牛和山羊，就好像你以前从未见过它们一样。穿过这个污秽和肮脏的城镇 —— 似乎带走了大地的美丽；但现在它又还给了你，你惊讶地看见大地和大地上生灵的美。有骆驼，又大又喂养得好，每头骆驼都带着一大束黄麻。他们从不匆忙，而是保持稳定的步态，头笔挺挺地举在空中；在每捆东西的顶部坐着一个男人，催促着这只笨拙的野兽向前走。在那条路上，你惊讶地看到两头巨大的、缓慢摆动的大象，快乐地覆盖着金色刺绣的红布，他们的象牙上装饰着银色的带子。他们被带到一些宗教活动中，并穿着适合这个场合的衣服。但是他们被阻拦，并且进行了交涉。他们巨大的形体耸立在你的上面；但他们很温柔，所有的敌意和愤怒都消失了。你抚摸他们粗糙的皮肤；象鼻的末端轻轻地、好奇地触摸着你的手掌，然后移开了。那人大喊大叫着让它们通过，大地似乎也跟着他们一起移动。一辆两轮小马车走了过来，由一匹瘦弱的、疲惫的马拉着。它上面没有东西，只有一具死尸，裹着白布。尸体松散地绑在没有弹簧缓震的车辆的板子上，当马匹在不平坦的道路上小跑时，司机和尸体都在上下弹跳。

The plane from the north had arrived, and the passengers were alighting to take the half-hour rest before starting again. Three were politicians, and by the look of them, they must have been very important people – cabinet ministers, it was said. They came down the cement walk like a ship passing through a narrow channel, all-powerful and altogether above the common herd. The other passengers kept several paces behind them. Everybody knew who they were; if anybody didn’t, he was soon told, and the crowd became silent, watching the big men in their glory. But the earth was still green, a dog was barking, and on the horizon were the snow-covered mountains, an astonishing sight to behold.

从北方过来的飞机已经到达，乘客们下机休息了半个小时，然后重新登机。有三位是政治家，从他们的外表来看，他们一定是非常重要的人 —— 据说是内阁部长。他们沿着水泥路走下来，像一艘船一样穿过一条狭窄的通道，有着无上的权力，完全高踞于普通人群。其他乘客在他们身后保持几步距离。每个人都知道他们是谁；如果有人不知道，他很快就会被告知，人群变得沉默，看着大人物的荣耀。但大地依然绿色，一只狗在汪汪叫，地平线上是白雪皑皑的山脉，一个惊讶的景象。

A small group had gathered in that large, bare room, but only four of them spoke, and somehow these four seemed to speak for them all. It was not a prearranged thing, but it happened quite naturally, and the others were evidently glad that it was so. One of the four, a large man with an assured air, was given to quick and easy statements. The second was not quite so big physically, but he had sharp eyes and a certain ease of manner. The other two were smaller men; but all of them must have been well-read, and words came easily to them. They appeared to be in their forties, and they had all seen something of life, they said, working at the various things in which they were interested.

一小群人聚集在那个光秃秃的大房间里，但只有四个人说话，不知何故，这四个人似乎为他们所有人说话。这不是一个预先安排好的事情，但它发生得很自然，其他人显然很高兴这样。四人中的一人，是个大个子，很是自信，给出快速而简单的陈述。第二个人的身体不是那么大，但他有一双敏锐的眼睛和轻松的举止。另外两个是较小的男人；但是他们所有人都读过很多书，言语对他们来说很容易。他们似乎四十多岁了，他们都看到了生活中的一些东西，他们说，他们在他们感兴趣的各种事业上工作。

“I want to talk about frustration,” said the large man. “It’s the curse of my generation. We all seem to be frustrated in one way or another, and some of us become bitter and cynical, always criticizing others and eager to tear them down. Thousands have been liquidated in political purges; but we should remember that we can also kill others by word and gesture. personally, I am not cynical, though I have given a great part of my life to social work and the improvement of society. Like so many other people, I have played with Communism, and have found nothing in it; if anything, it’s a retrogressive movement, and is certainly not of the future. I have been in the government, and somehow it hasn’t meant much to me. I have read fairly widely, but reading doesn’t make one’s heart any lighter. Though I am quick at argument, my intellect says one thing, and my heart says another. I have been at war with myself for years, and there seems to be no way out of this inner conflict. I am a mass of contradictions, and inwardly I am slowly dying... I didn’t mean to talk about all this but somehow I am talking. Why do we inwardly die and wither away? It’s not only happening to me, but also to the great of the land.”

“我想谈谈沮丧，” 大个子说， “这是我们这一代人的诅咒。我们似乎都以这样或那样的方式感到沮丧，我们中的一些人变得痛苦和愤世嫉俗，总是批评别人，并渴望摧毁他们。数千人在政治清除中被清算；但我们应该记住，我们也可以通过言语和手势来杀死别人。就我个人而言，我并不愤世嫉俗，尽管我把我的人生很大一部分奉献给了社会工作和社会的改善。像许多其他人一样，我玩过共产主义，却没有发现任何东西。如果有的话，这是一场倒退运动，当然是没有前途的。我一直在政府工作，不知何故，这对我来说意义不大。我读过相当广泛的书，但阅读并不能让人的心更轻松。虽然我在辩论上很敏捷，但我的嘴说的是一回事，我的心说的是另一回事。多年来，我一直在与自己交战，似乎没有办法摆脱这种内心的冲突。我是一堆矛盾，在内心深处，我正在慢慢死去…… 我不是故意要谈论所有这些，但不知何故，我在说话。为什么我们内心会死亡和枯萎？这不仅发生在我身上，也发生在这片土地上的伟人身上。”

What do you mean by dying, withering away? “One may hold a responsible position, one may work hard and come to the top, but inwardly one is dead. If you told the so-called great among us – those whose names appear every day in the papers over a report of their doings and speeches – that they are essentially dull and stupid, they would be horrified; but like the rest of us, they too are withering away, inwardly deteriorating. Why? We lead moral, respectable lives, yet behind the eyes there’s no flame. Some of us are not out for ourselves – at least I don’t think so – and yet our inner life is ebbing away; whether we know it or not, and whether we live in ministerial houses or in the bare rooms of devoted workers, spiritually we have one foot in the grave. Why?”

你说的死亡，枯萎是什么意思？ “一个人可能担任一个负责任的职位，一个人可能努力工作并达到顶峰，但内心深处却死了。如果你告诉我们中间的所谓伟人 —— 那些名字每天都出现在报纸上，在他们的事迹和讲话里 —— 他们本质上是痴傻和愚蠢的，他们会感到震惊；但像我们其他人一样，他们也在枯萎，内心在堕落。为什么？我们过着道德的、受人尊敬的生活，但在眼中却没有火焰。我们中的一些人不是为自己上台的 —— 至少我不这么认为 —— 然而我们内心的生机正在消退；无论我们是否知晓，无论我们住在牧师的房子里，还是住在敬业的工人的光秃秃的房间里，在精神上，我们都有一只脚踏进了坟墓。为什么？”

May it not be that we are choked by our conceits, by the pride of success and achievement, by the things that have great value for the mind? When the mind is weighed down by the things it has gathered, the heart withers. Isn’t it very strange that everybody wants to climb the ladder of success and recognition? “We are brought up on it. And I suppose that as long as one is climbing the ladder, or sitting at the top of it, frustration is inevitable. But how is one to get over this sense of frustration?”

难道我们没有被我们的自负，被成功和成就的骄傲，被那些对头脑有巨大价值的东西所窒息吗？当头脑被它所收集的东西压倒时，心就会枯萎。每个人都想爬上成功和认可的阶梯，这不是很奇怪吗？ “我们就是这么被抚养长大的。我想，只要一个人在爬梯子，或者坐在梯子的顶端，沮丧感是不可避免的。但是，如何克服这种挫败感呢？”

Very simply, by not climbing. If you see the ladder and know where it leads, if you understand its deeper implications and do not set foot even on its first rung, you can never be frustrated.

很简单，别去爬。如果你看到梯子，知道它通向哪里，如果你理解它更深层次的含义，甚至不踏足它的第一级，你永远不会感到沮丧。

“But I can’t just sit still and decay!”

“但我不能只是坐着不动，等待着腐烂！”

You are decaying now, in the midst of your ceaseless activity; and if like the self-disciplining hermit, you merely sit still while inwardly burning with desire, with all the fears of ambition and envy, you will continue to wither away. Isn’t it true, sir, that decay comes with respectability? This does not mean that one must become disreputable. But you are very virtuous, are you not? “I try to be.”

你现在正在腐烂，在你无休止的活动中；如同那位自我修持的隐士一样，尽管你坐着不动，内心却燃烧着欲望，伴生出对雄心和嫉妒的所有的恐惧，你会继续枯萎。先生，腐败就在高尚的脚跟后，这难道不是真的吗？这并不意味着一个人必须变得声名狼借。但你很有美德，不是吗？ “我努力这么做。”

The virtue of society leads to death. To be conscious of one’s virtue is to die respectably. Outwardly and inwardly you are conforming to the rules of social morality, aren’t you?

社会的美德导致死亡。意识到自己的美德就是高尚地死去。在外在和内在上，你都遵守了社会道德的规则，你不是吗？

“Unless most of us did, the whole structure of society would crumble. Are you preaching moral anarchy?”

“除非我们大多数人这样做，否则整个社会结构都会崩溃。你是在宣扬道德上的无政府状态吗？”

Am I? Social morality is mere respectability. Ambition, greed, the conceit of achievement and its recognition, the brutality of power and position, killing in the name of an ideology or a country – this is the morality of society. “Nevertheless, our social and religious leaders do preach against at least some of these things.”

我是吗？社会道德仅仅是受人尊敬的。雄心、贪婪、成就的自负及其认可，权力和地位的残酷，以意识形态或国家的名义杀戮 —— 这就是社会道德。 “尽管如此，我们的社会和宗教领袖确实至少反对其中某些东西。”

The fact is one thing, and preaching is another. To kill for an ideology or a country is very respectable, and the killer, the general who organizes mass murder, is highly regarded and decorated. The man of power has the important place in the land. The preacher and the preached-at are in the same boat, are they not?

事实是一回事，宣传是另一回事。为一种意识形态或一个国家杀人，是非常受人尊敬的，而凶手、组织大屠杀的将军，受到高度重视和表彰。权力的人在这片土地上占有重要地位。宣传者和被洗脑的人们，都在同一条船上，他们不是吗？

“All of us are in the same boat,” put in the second one, “and we are struggling to do something about it.”

“我们所有人都在同一条船上，” 第二个人说， “我们正在挣扎着，想为此做点什么。”

If you see that the boat has many holes and is sinking fast, won’t you jump out? “The boat is not as bad as all that. We must patch it up, and everybody should lend a hand. If everybody did, the boat would stay afloat on the river of life.”

如果你看到船有很多洞，而且下沉得很快，你不会跳出去吗？ “这艘船没有那么糟糕。我们必须修补它，每个人都应该伸出援手。如果每个人都这样做，船就会在生命的河上漂浮。”

You are a social worker, are you not?

你是一名社会工作者，不是吗？

“Yes, sir, I am, and I have had the privilege of being closely associated with some of our greatest reformers. I believe that reform, not revolution, is the only way out of this chaos. Look what the Russian revolution has come to! No, sir, the really great men have always been reformers.”

“是的，先生，我是，我有幸与我们一些最伟大的改革者有着密切的联系。我相信，改革，而不是革命，是摆脱这种混乱的唯一途径。看看俄国革命已经走到了什么地步！不，先生，真正伟大的人一直是改革者。”

What do you mean by reform? “To reform is gradually to improve the social and economic conditions of the people through the various schemes that we have formulated; it is to lessen poverty, to remove superstition, to get rid of class divisions, and so on.”

你说的改革是什么意思？ “改革就是通过我们制定的各种方案逐步改善人民的社会和经济条件；就是为了减少贫困，消除迷信，去掉阶级分化，等等。”

Such reformation is always within the existing social pattern. A different group of people may come out on top, new legislation may be enacted, there may be the nationalization of certain industries, and all the rest of it; but it is always within the present framework of society. That is what’s called reform, isn’t it? “If you object to that, then you can only be advocating revolution; and we all know that the great revolution following the first world war has since proved itself to be a retrogressive movement, as my friend pointed out, guilty of every kind of horror and suppression. Industrially the Communists may advance, they may equal or surpass other nations; but man doesn’t live by bread alone, and we certainly don’t want to follow that pattern.”

这种改革总是在现有的社会模式之内。另一群人可能会攀爬的顶层，可能会颁布新的立法，某些行业可能会国有化，等等其余的一切；但它总是在当前的社会框架内。那就是所谓的改革，不是吗？ “如果你反对这一点，那么你只能鼓吹革命；我们都知道，第一次世界大战之后的伟大革命已经被证明它自己是一场倒退运动，正如我的朋友所指出的那样，它犯下了各种恐怖和镇压的罪行。在工业上，共产党人可以前进，他们可以等于或超过其他国家；但人不只是靠面包而生活，我们当然不想遵循这种模式。”

A revolution within the pattern, within the framework of society, is no revolution at all; it may be progressive or retrogressive, but like reform, it is only a modified continuation of what has been. However good and necessary the reform, it can only bring about a superficial change, which will again require further reform. There is no end to this process, because society is ever disintegrating within the pattern of its own existence.

在社会框架内、模式内的革命根本不是革命；它可能是渐进的或倒退的，但像改革一样，它只是对过去的修改，并使其延续。无论改革有多么的好和必要，它只能带来表面上的变化，这将再次需要进一步的改革。这个过程是没有尽头的，因为社会总是在自身存在的模式中不断地崩塌。

“Do you then maintain, sir, that all reform, however beneficial, is just so much patchwork, and that no amount of reform can bring about a total transformation of society?”

“那么，先生，你是否坚持认为，所有的改革，无论多么有益，都是在打补丁，再多的改革也无法带来社会的全面转变？”

Total transformation can never take place within the pattern of any society, whether that society be tyrannical or so-called democratic. “Is not a democratic society more significant and worth while than a police or tyrannical State?”

无论这个社会是暴虐的，还是所谓的民主的，只要在模式之内，都不可能发生彻底的转变。 “与一个警察或专制国家相比，民主社会难道不更有意义、更有价值吗？”

“Then what do you mean by the pattern of society?”

“那你说的社会模式是什么意思？”

The pattern of society is human relationship based on ambition, envy, on the personal or collective desire for power, on the hierarchical attitude, on ideologies, dogmas, beliefs. Such a society may and generally does profess to believe in love, in goodness; but it is always ready to kill, to go to war. Within the pattern, change is no change at all, however revolutionary it may appear. When the patient needs a major operation, it’s foolish merely to alleviate the symptoms.

社会模式是人与人之间基于雄心，嫉妒、个人或集体对权力的欲望、基于等级态度、意识形态、教条、信仰的关系。这样的社会可能而且通常确实声称相信爱，相信善良；但它总是准备杀戮，发动战争。在模式中，改变根本不是改变，无论它看起来多么具有革命性。当患者需要大手术时，仅仅去缓解症状是愚蠢的。

“But who’s to be the surgeon?”

“但谁来当外科医生呢？”

You have to operate on yourself, and not rely on another, however good a specialist you may think him to be. You have to step out of the pattern of society, the pattern of greed, of acquisitiveness, of conflict. “Will my stepping out of the pattern affect society?”

你必须对自己做手术，而不是依赖别人，无论你认为他是一个多么好的专家。你必须走出社会模式，贪婪、攫取、冲突的模式。 “如果我走出这种模式，会影响社会吗？”

First step out of it, and see what happens. To stay within the pattern and ask what will happen if you step out of it is a form of escape, a perverted and useless inquiry.

首先走出去，然后，看看会发生什么。停留在模式中，而去问：‘如果我走出去，会发生什么？’ 是一种逃避形式，是一种扭曲和无用的询问。

“Unlike these two gentlemen,” said the third one in a mild and pleasant voice, “I know none of the eminent people; I move in a different circle altogether. I have never thought of becoming famous, but have remained in the background, anonymously doing my part. I gave up my wife, put away the joys of having a home and children, and devoted myself completely to the work of liberating our country. I did all this most earnestly and with great diligence. I sought no power for myself; I only wanted our country to be free, to grow into a holy nation, to have again the glory and the grace that was India. But I have seen all the things that have been going on; I have watched the conceit, the pomp, the corruption, the favouritism, and have heard the double talk of the various politicians, including the leaders of the party to which I belonged. I didn’t sacrifice my life, my pleasures, my wife, my money, in order that corrupt men might rule the land. I eschewed power for the good of the country – only to see these ambitious politicians rise to positions of power. I now realize that I have spent vainly the best years of my life, and I feel like committing suicide.”

“不像这两位先生，” 第三位先生用温和悦耳的声音说， “我不认识任何一位杰出的人。我完全在一个不同的圈子里移动。我从未想过要出名，但一直留在幕后，匿名尽自己的一份力量。我抛弃了我的妻子，放弃了家有儿女的欢乐，全身心地投入到解放我们国家的工作中去。我最认真、非常勤奋地做了这一切。我没有为自己寻求任何权力；我只想让我们的国家自由，成长为一个神圣的国家，再次拥有印度的荣耀和恩典。但是，我看到了所有正在发生的事情。我目睹了自负、盛况、腐败、偏袒，也听到了包括我所属党的领导人在内的各种政治家的双标言论。我没有为了让腐败者统治这片土地，而牺牲我的生命、我的快乐、我的妻子、我的钱。为了国家的利益，我避开了权力 —— 结果却看到，这些雄心勃勃的政客们登上了权力的宝座。我现在意识到，我徒劳地度过了我生命中最美好的岁月，我感觉就像自杀一样。”

The others were silent, appalled by what had been said; for they were all politicians, in fact and at heart.

其他人沉默不语，对所说的话感到震惊。因为他们都是政治家，在事实上，在内心深处。

Sir, most people do give a perverted twist to their lives, and perhaps discover it too late, or never at all. If they attain position and power, they do damage in the name of the country; they become mischief makers in the name of peace, or of God. Conceit and ambition rule the land everywhere, with varying degrees of barbarity and ruthlessness. political activity is concerned with only a very small part of life; it has its importance, but when it usurps the whole field of existence, as it is doing now, it becomes monstrous, corrupting thought and action. We glorify and respect the man in power, the leader, because in us there is the same craving for power and position, the same desire to control and to dictate. It is every individual who brings into being the leader; it is out of every man’s confusion, envy, ambition, that the leader is made, and to follow the leader is to follow one’s own demands, urges and frustrations. The leader and the follower are both responsible for the sorrow and the confusion of man.

先生，大多数人确实给自己的生活带来了的转折，也许发现得太晚了，或者根本没有发现。如果他们获得地位和权力，他们就以国家的名义造成损害；他们以和平或上帝的名义成为灾难制造者。自负和雄心统治着这整片的土地，带着不同程度的野蛮和无情。政治活动只涉及生活的一小部分；它有其重要性，但是，当它篡夺了存在的整个领域时，就像它现在所做的那样，它就变成了可怕的、腐败的思想和行动。我们颂扬和尊重当权者、领袖，因为在我们里面，对权力和地位有同样的渴望，同样的控制欲和支配欲。是每一个人成全了领导者；正是出于每个人的困惑、嫉妒、雄心，领导者才被造就，而追随领导者就是追随自己的要求、冲动和挫折。领导者和追随者都对人类的悲伤和困惑负有责任。

“I recognize the truth of what you are saying, though it is hard for me to acknowledge it. And now, after all these years, I really do not know what to do. I have wept with the tears of my heart, but what’s the good of all that? I cannot undo what is done. I have encouraged thousands, by word and action, to accept and to follow. Many of them are like me, though not in my extreme plight; they have changed their allegiance from one leader to another, from one party to another, from one set of catch-words to another. But I am out of it all, and I don’t want to go near any of the leaders again. I have striven in vain all these years; the garden I so carefully cultivated has turned to rubble and stone. My wife is dead, and I have no companion. I see now that I have followed man-made gods: the State, the authority of the leader and the subtle vanities of one’s own importance. I have been blind and foolish.”

“我知道你说的是真的，尽管我难以承认。而现在，经过这么多年，我真的不知道该怎么办。我内心里的泪水已经涌出，但这一切有什么好处？我无法撤消已完成的工作。我用言语和行动鼓励成千上万的人接受和追随。他们中的许多人都像我一样，尽管不是处于我这样的极端困境中。他们已经将他们的忠诚从一个领导人转移到另一个领导人，从一个政党转移到另一个政党，从一套口号转移到另一套口号。但我已经置身事外，我不想再接近任何一位领导人。这些年来，我一直在徒劳地奋斗；我精心耕种的花园已经变成了瓦砾和石块。我的妻子死了，我没有同伴。我现在看到，我追随的是人造的神，国家、领袖的权威和自我重要性的微妙的虚荣心。我是盲目和愚蠢的。”

But if you really perceive that all you have worked for is foolish and vain, that it only leads to further misery, then there is already the beginning of clarity. When your intention is to go north, and you discover that you have actually been moving south, that very discovery is a turning to the north. Isn’t that so? “It’s not quite as simple as that. I see now that the path I have been following leads only to the misery and destruction of man; but I do not know any other path to take.”

但是，如果你真的意识到，你为之奋斗的一切是愚蠢和徒劳的，它只会导致进一步的痛苦，那么就已经是清醒的开始。当你打算向北走时，你发现你实际上一直在往南走，这个发现就是向北的转变。难道不是这样吗？ “事情并没有那么简单。我现在看到，我所走的道路只会导致人的痛苦和毁灭。但我不知道还有什么其他的路可走。”

There is no path to that which is beyond all the paths that men have made and trodden. To find that pathless reality, you have to see the truth in the false, or the false as the false. If you perceive that the path you have trodden is false – not in comparison with something else, not through the judgment of disappointment, nor through the evaluation of social morality, but false in itself – then that very perception of the false is awareness of the true. You do not have to follow the true: the true sets you free from the false.

没有一条道路，可以超越人们所修建的和走过的所有道路。要找出那个无路可走的真实，你必须在虚假中看见真实，或者看清虚假本身。如果你感知到你走过的路是错的 —— 不是与别的路比较，不是通过失望而得出的判断，也不是通过对社会道德的评价，而是它本质中的虚假性 —— 那么对虚假的感知就是对真理的觉知。你不必跟随真实：这个真实使你从这种虚假中解放。

“But I still feel impelled to take my own life and end it all.”

“但我仍然感到有必要自杀并结束这一切。”

The desire to end it all is the outcome of bitterness, of deep frustration. If the path you were following, even though utterly false in itself, had led to that which you had thought of as the goal; if, in a word, you had been successful, there would have been no sense of frustration, no bitter disappointment. Until you met with this final frustration, you never questioned what you were doing, you never inquired to find out if it were true or false in itself. If you had, things might have been very different. You were swept along by the current of self-fulfilment; and now it has left you isolated frustrated, disappointed.

结束这一切的欲望是出于痛苦，是深刻的沮丧的产物。如果你所追随的路，即使是完全错误的，也使你达到了所思考过的目标；一句话，如果你成功了，就不会沮丧，就没有苦涩的失望。在你遇到这最后的挫折之前，你从来没有质疑过你在做什么，你从来没有问过它本身是真还是假。如果你问过，事情可能会非常地不同。你被自我实现的潮流所卷跑。现在，它给你留下了令人窒息的沮丧、失望。

“I think I see what you mean. You are saying that any form of self-fulfilment – in the State, in good works, in some utopian dream – must inevitably lead to frustration, to this barren state of mind. I am now aware of that very clearly.”

“我想我看见了你的意思。你是说，任何形式的自我实现 —— 在政府里，在善行中，在一些乌托邦式的梦想中 —— 必然会导致挫折感，导致这种贫瘠的头脑。我现在非常清楚地意识到这一点。”

The rich flowering of goodness in the mind – which is very different from being ‘good’ in order to achieve an end, or to become something – is in itself right action. Love is its own action, its own eternity. “Though it is late,” said the fourth one, “may I ask a question? Will belief in God help one to find Him?”

善在头脑中绽放 —— 这与为了达到目的或成为某种人物而行善，完全地不同 —— 它本身就是正确的行动。爱，有它自己的行动，它自己的永恒。 “虽然已经很迟了，” 第四个说， “我能问一个问题吗？对上帝的信仰，会帮助一个人找到他吗？”

To find truth, or God, there must be neither belief nor disbelief. The believer is as the non-believer; neither will find the truth, for their thought is shaped by their education, by their environment, by their culture, and by their own hopes and fears, joys and sorrows. A mind that is not free from all these conditioning influences can never find the truth, do what it will.

要找到真理，或上帝，既不能相信，也不能不相信。信徒就是不信的人。两者都不会找到真理，因为他们的思想是由他们的教育、他们的环境、他们的文化、他们自己的希望和恐惧、喜悦和悲伤所塑造的。一个不能摆脱所有这些限制条件的影响的头脑永远找不到真理，无论它怎么做。

“Then to seek God is not important?”

“那么寻求上帝并不重要吗？”

How can a mind that is fearful, envious, acquisitive, discover that which is beyond itself? It will find only its own projections, the images, beliefs and conclusions in which it is caught. To find out what is true, or what is false, the mind must be free. To seek God without understanding oneself has very little meaning. Search with a motive is no search at all. “Can there ever be search without a motive?”

一个恐惧、嫉妒、贪婪的头脑，怎么能发现超越它自身的东西？它只会找到自己的投射出来的影子，也就是它深陷其中的图像、信念和结论。为了找出什么是真的，什么是假的，头脑必须自由。寻求上帝而不理解自我几乎没有意义。有动机的搜索根本不是探索。 “存在没有动机的搜索吗？”