对生活的评注 2-17

HE HAD A small job, with a very poor salary; he came with his wife, who wanted to talk over their problem. They were both quite young, and though they had been married for some years, they had no children; but that was not the problem. His pay was barely enough to eke out an existence in these difficult times, but as they had no children it was sufficient to survive. What the future held no man knew, though it could hardly be worse than the present. He was disinclined to talk, but his wife pointed out that he must. She had brought him along, almost forcibly it appeared, for he had come very reluctantly; but there he was, and she was glad. He could not talk easily, he said, for he had never talked about himself to anyone but his wife. He had few friends, and even to these he never opened his heart, for they wouldn’t have understood him. As he talked he was slowly thawing, and his wife was listening with anxiety. He explained that his work was not the problem; it was fairly interesting, and anyhow it gave them food. They were simple, unassuming people, and both had been educated at one of the universities.

他有一个小岗位，薪水很少；他同他的妻子一起过来的，妻子想谈谈他们的问题。他们俩都很年轻，虽然他们已经结婚好几年了，但他们没有孩子。但这不是问题所在。在这段困难的时期，他的薪水勉强维持生计，而由于他们没有孩子，因此足以生存。没有人知道未来会怎样，尽管它几乎不可能比现在更糟。他不愿意讲，但他的妻子指出他必须说。她把他带过来，几乎是逼他的，因此，他很不情愿地来了；但他到这儿了，她很高兴。他说，他不怎么说话，因为他从来没有和任何人谈论过自己，除了他的妻子。他的朋友很少，甚至对这些朋友，他也从未敞开心扉，因为他们不会理解他。当他说话时，他正在慢慢解冻，他的妻子正焦虑地听着。他解释说，他的工作不是问题所在。它相当的有趣，无论如何，它给了他们食物。他们是简单、谦逊的人，他们都曾在其中一所大学接受教育。

At last she began to explain their problem. She said that for a couple of years now her husband seemed to have lost all interest in life. He did his office work, and that was about all; he went to work in the morning and came back in the evening, and his employers did not complain about him. “My work is a matter of routine and does not demand too much attention. I am interested in what I do, but it is all somehow a strain. My difficulty is not at the office or with the people with whom I work, but it is within myself. As my wife said, I have lost interest in life, and I don’t quite know what is the matter with me.”

最后，她开始解释他们的问题。她说，最近几年来，她的丈夫似乎已经失去了对生活的所有兴趣。他做了他的办公室工作，仅此而已。他早上上班，晚上下班回家，他的雇主没有抱怨他。 “我的工作是例行公事，不需要太多关注。我对我所做的事情很感兴趣，但在某种程度上，有一些紧张。我的困难不在于办公室或与我一起工作的人，而在于我自己。正如我妻子所说，我对生命失去了兴趣，我不太清楚我自己是怎么回事。”

“He was always enthusiastic, sensitive and very affectionate, but for the past year or more he has become dull and indifferent to everything. He always used to be loving with me, but now life has become very sad for both of us. He doesn’t seem to care whether I am there or not, and it has become a misery to live in the same house. He is not unkind or anything of that sort, but has simply become apathetic and utterly indifferent.”

“他以前总是热情、敏感、非常地深情，但在过去的一年多时间里，他对一切都变得沉闷和漠不关心。他以前总是爱我，但现在，生命对我们俩来说，变得非常悲伤。他似乎不在乎我是否存在，住在同一个屋檐下，已经成为一种痛苦。他不是不友好或类似的情况，而是变得冷漠，完全地无动于衷。”

Is it because you have no children? “It isn’t that,” he said. “Our physical relationship is all right, more or less. No marriage is perfect, and we have our ups and downs, but I don’t think this dullness is the result of any sexual maladjustment. Although my wife and I haven’t lived together sexually for some time now because of this dullness of mine, I don’t think it is the lack of children that has brought it about.”

是因为你没有孩子吗？ “不是那样的，”他说。 “我们的身体关系或多或少都没问题。没有一段婚姻是完美的，我们有我们的小吵小闹，但我不认为这种沉闷是任何性生活失调的结果。虽然由于我的这种沉闷，我和妻子已经有一段时间没有在一起做爱了，但我不认为是没有孩子导致的。”

Why do you say that? “Before this dullness came upon me, my wife and I realized that we couldn’t have children. It has never bothered me, though she often cries about it. She wants children, but apparently one of us is incapable of reproduction. I have suggested several things which might make it possible for her to have a child, but she won’t try any of them. She will have a child by me or not at all, and she is very deeply upset about it. After all, without the fruit, a tree is merely decorative. We have lain awake talking about all this, but there it is. I realize that one can’t have everything in life, and it is not the lack of children that has brought on this dullness; at least, I am pretty sure it is not.”

为什么这么说呢？ “在这种沉闷降临到我身上之前，我和我的妻子意识到我们不能生孩子。它从未困扰过我，尽管她经常为此哭泣。她想要孩子，但显然，我们中的一个人没有生育能力。我已经提出了几个建议，这些可能会使她有可能生孩子，但她不会尝试其中任何一件。她会和我生一个孩子，或者根本不生孩子，她对此感到非常沮丧。毕竟，没有果实，一棵树只是装饰性的。我们一直清醒地谈论着这一切，但事实就是如此。我意识到，一个人不可能拥有生命中的一切，并不是因为缺少孩子带来了这种沉闷；至少，我很确定它不是。”

Is it due to your wife’s sadness, to her sense of frustration? “You see, sir, my husband and I have gone into this matter pretty fully. I am more than sad not to have had children, and I pray to God that I may have one some day. My husband wants me to be happy, of course, but his dullness isn’t due to my sadness. If we had a child now, I would be supremely happy, but for him it would merely be a distraction, and I suppose it is so with most men. This dullness has been creeping upon him for the past two years like some internal disease. He used to talk to me about everything, about the birds, about his office work, about his ambitions, about his regard and love for me; he would open his heart to me. But now his heart is closed and his mind is somewhere far away. I have talked to him, but it is no good.”

是因为你妻子的悲伤，还是因为她的挫败感？ “你看，先生，我和我的丈夫已经非常全面地研究了这件事。我为没有孩子而感到难过，我向上帝祈祷，希望有一天我能有孩子。当然，我丈夫希望我快乐，但他的沉闷不是因为我的悲伤。如果我们现在有一个孩子，我会非常高兴，但对他来说，这只会让人分心，我想大多数男人都是如此。在过去的两年里，这种沉闷一直在他身上蔓延，就像一些内在的疾病一样。他曾经和我谈论一切，关于鸟，关于他的办公室工作，关于他的雄心，关于他对我的尊重和爱；他会向我敞开心扉。但现在他的心是封闭的，他的头脑在遥远的地方。我已经和他谈过了，但这并没有益处。”

Have you separated from each other for a time to see how that worked? “Yes. I went away to my family for about six months, and we wrote to each other; but this separation made no difference. If anything, it made things worse. He cooked his own food, went out very little, kept away from his friends, and was more and more withdrawn into himself. He has never been too social in any case. Even after this separation he showed no quickening spark.”

你们有没有分开过一段时间，看看这是怎么回事？ “是的。我离开家大约六个月，我们互相写信；但这种分离没有任何作用。如果说有，它让事情变得更糟。他自己做饭，很少出去，远离朋友，越来越孤僻。无论怎样，他决不出去交往。即使在这次分离之后，他也没有表现出加速的火花。”

Do you think this dullness is a cover, a pose, an escape from some unfulfilled inner longing?

你认为这种沉闷是一种掩护，一种姿势，一种逃避某种未满足的内心渴望吗？

“I am afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean.”

“恐怕我不太明白你的意思。”

You may have an intense longing for something which needs fulfilment, and as that longing has no release, perhaps you are escaping from the pain of it through becoming dull. “I have never thought about such a thing, it has never occurred to me before. How am I to find out?”

你可能对需要满足的东西有强烈的渴望，由于这种渴望没有释放，也许你正在通过变得沉闷来逃避它的痛苦。 “我从来没有想过这样的情况，我以前从未见过。我怎么知道呢？”

Why hasn’t it occurred to you before? Have you ever asked yourself why you have become dull? Don’t you want to know?

为什么你以前没有看见？你有没有问过自己：为什么你会变得沉闷？你不想知道吗？

“It is strange, but I have never asked myself what is the cause of this stupid dullness. I have never put that question to myself.”

“这很奇怪，但我从来没有问过自己，这种愚蠢的沉闷是什么原因。我从来没有拿这个问题问过自己。”

Now that you are asking yourself that question what is your response? “I don’t think I have any. But I am really shocked to find how very dull I have become. I was never like this. I am appalled at my own state.”

现在你问自己这个问题，你的回答是什么？ “我不认为我有。但发现我变得如此地沉闷，我真的很震惊。我从未想变成这样子。我对自己的状态感到很惊讶。”

After all, it is good to know in what state one actually is. At least that is a beginning. You have never before asked yourself why you are dull, lethargic; you have just accepted it and carried on, have you not? Do you want to discover what has made you like this, or have you resigned yourself to your present state?

毕竟，知道一个人实际上处于什么状态是件好事。至少这是一个开始。你以前从未问过自己，你为什么沉闷、昏昏欲睡；你接受了它，并让其继续，不是吗？你是想发现是什么让你成了这个样子，还是你继续屈服于你现在的状态？

“I am afraid he has just accepted it without ever fighting against it.”

“恐怕他只是接受了它，而没有与之抗争。”

You do want to get over this state, don’t you? Do you want to talk without your wife? “Oh, no. There is nothing I cannot say in front of her. I know it is not a lack or an excess of sexual relationship that has brought on this state, nor is there another woman. I couldn’t go to another woman. And it is not the lack of children.”

你确实想克服这种状态，不是吗？你想在没有妻子的情况下说话吗？ “哦，不。在她面前，没有什么是我不能说的。我知道，造成这种状态的不是缺乏或过度的性关系，也不是另一个女人。我不能去找另一个女人。也不是没有孩子。”

Do you paint or write? “I have always wanted to write, but I have never painted. On my walks I used to get some ideas, but now even that has gone.”

你是画画还是写作？ “我一直想写，但我从未画过画。在我的散步中，我曾经有一些想法，但现在甚至已经消失了。”

Why don’t you try to put something on paper? It doesn’t matter how stupid it is; you don’t have to show it to anyone. Why don’t you try writing something? But to go back. Do you want to find out what has brought on this dullness, or do you want to remain as you are? “I would like to go away somewhere by myself, renounce everything and find some happiness.”

你为什么不试着把一些东西写在纸上呢？它有多愚蠢并不重要；您不必向任何人展示它。你为什么不尝试写点什么呢？但是回头来看。您想找出：是什么导致了这种沉闷，还是想保持原样？ “我想自己去某个地方，放弃一切，寻找一些快乐。”

Is that what you want to do? Then why don’t you do it? Are you hesitating on account of your wife? “I am no good to my wife as I am; I am just a wash-out.”

这就是你想做的吗？那你为什么不这样做呢？你是否因为妻子而犹豫不决？ “我对我的妻子不好，就像我一样。我只是一个完全失败的人。”

Do you think you will find happiness by withdrawing from life, by isolating yourself? Haven’t you sufficiently isolated yourself now? To renounce in order to find is no renunciation at all; it is only a cunning bargain, an exchange, a calculated move to gain something. You give up this in order to get that. Renunciation with an end in view is only a surrender to further gain. But can you have happiness through isolation, through dissociation? Is not life association, contact, communion? You may withdraw from one association to find happiness in another, but you cannot completely withdraw from all contact. Even in complete isolation you are in contact with your thoughts, with yourself. Suicide is the complete form of isolation.

你认为你会通过隐退生活，通过孤立自己来找到快乐吗？你现在不是足够地隔离了自己吗？为了寻找而放弃，根本不是放弃；它只是一个狡猾的讨价还价，一个交换，一种为了获取某个东西的算计。你为了得到那个而放弃这个。带有目标的放弃，只不过是为了进一步的利益而投降。但是，通过隔离，通过脱离关系，你就能获得快乐吗？难道生命不就是联系、接触、共融吗？你可以切断一种联系，在另一个关联中找到快乐，但你不能完全退出所有的关联。即使在完全孤立的情况下，你也会与你的思想，与你自身相关联。自杀是完全的孤立形式。

“Of course I don’t want to commit suicide. I want to live, but I don’t want to continue as I am.”

“我当然不想自杀。我想活下去，但我不想继续我现在的状态。”

Are you sure you don’t want to go on as you are? You see, it is fairly clear that there is something which is making you dull, and you want to run away from it into further isolation. To run away from what is, is to isolate oneself. You want to isolate yourself, perhaps temporarily, hoping for happiness. But you have already isolated yourself, and pretty thoroughly; further isolation, which you call renunciation, is only a further withdrawal from life. And can you have happiness through deeper and deeper self-isolation? The nature of the self is to isolate itself its very quality is exclusiveness. To be exclusive is to renounce in order to gain. The more you withdraw from association, the greater the conflict, resistance. Nothing can exist in isolation. However painful relationship may be, it has to be patiently and thoroughly understood. Conflict makes for dullness. Effort to become something only brings problems, conscious or unconscious. You cannot be dull without some cause, for, as you say, you were once alert and keen. You haven’t always been dull. What has brought about this change?

你确定你不想继续你现在的样子吗？你看，很明显，有些东西让你变得沉闷，而你想逃离它，进一步孤立。逃避现实，就是孤立自己。你想孤立自己，也许是短暂的，期盼着快乐。但是你已经孤立了自己，而且非常彻底；进一步的孤立，你称之为放弃，只是进一步退出生命。你能通过越来越深的自我隔离来获得快乐吗？自我的本质是将自己孤立起来，它固有的性质就是排他性。排他性就是为了获取而放弃。你越是退出关联，冲突与抵抗就越大。没有什么事物能够孤立的存在。无论关系有多么痛苦，它都必须耐心地、彻底地理解。冲突导致沉闷。努力成为某种人物，只会带来各种问题，无论是有意的还是无意的。没有某种原因，你就不会沉闷，因为，正如你所说，你曾经是警觉和敏锐的。你并不总是很沉闷。是什么带来了这种变化？

“You seem to know, and won’t you please tell him?”

“你好像知道，你能告诉他吗？”

I could, but what good would that be? He would either accept or reject it according to his mood and pleasure; but is it not important that he himself should find out? Is it not essential for him to uncover the whole process and see the truth of it? Truth is something that cannot be told to another. He must be able to receive it, and none can prepare him for it. This is not indifference on my part; but he must come to it openly, freely and unexpectedly.

我可以，但那有什么用呢？他会根据自己的心情和喜悦接受或拒绝它；但是他应该亲自去找出来，这难道不重要吗？他去揭开整个过程并看到它的真相，这难道不是必要的吗？真理是不能通过别人来告诉的东西。他必须能够接受它，没有人能为他准备它。我这不是冷漠；而是他必须敞开心扉，自由地、出乎意料地遇见它。

What is making you dull? Shouldn’t you know it for yourself? Conflict, resistance, makes for dullness. We think that through struggle we shall understand through competition we shall be made bright. Struggle certainly makes for sharpness, but what is sharp is soon made blunt; what is in constant use soon wears out. We accept conflict as inevitable, and build our structure of thought and action upon this inevitability. But is conflict inevitable? Is there not a different way of living? There is if we can understand the process and significance of conflict.

是什么让你变得沉闷？难道你不应该自己知道吗？冲突，抵抗，导致沉闷。我们认为，通过斗争，我们将通过竞争来理解，我们将变得光明。挣扎当然会带来敏锐，但尖锐的东西很快就会变得迟钝。经常使用的东西很快就会耗尽。我们接受冲突是不可避免的，并将我们的思想和行动的结构，建立在这种必然性之上。但冲突是不可避免的吗？难道没有不同的生活方式吗？如果我们能够理解冲突的过程和意义，就会有。

Again, why have you made yourself dull? “Have I made myself dull?”

再说一遍，你为什么让自己变得沉闷？ “我让自己变得沉闷了吗？”

Can anything make you dull unless you are willing to be made dull? This willingness may be conscious or hidden. Why have you allowed yourself to be made dull? Is there a deep-seated conflict in you? “If there is, I am totally unaware of it.”

除非你愿意沉闷，否则还有什么能让你变得沉闷？这种意愿可能是有意的，也可能是隐藏的。你为什么允许自己变得沉闷？你内心是否有根深蒂固的冲突？ “如果有，我完全没有意识到这一点。”

But don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to understand it?

但你不想知道吗？难道你不想理解它吗？

“I am beginning to see what you are driving at,” she put in, “but I may not be able to tell my husband the cause of his dullness because I am not quite sure of it myself.”

“我开始看到你正在推动，” 她插话说，“但我可能无法告诉我丈夫他沉闷的原因，因为我自己也不太确定。”

You may or may not see the way this dullness has come upon him; but would you be really helping him if verbally you were to point it out? Is it not essential that he discovers it for himself? Please see the importance of this, and then you will not be impatient or anxious. One can help another, but he alone must undertake the journey of discovery. Life is not easy; it is very complex, but we must approach it simply. We are the problem; the problem is not what we call life. We can understand the problem, which is ourselves, only if we know how to approach it. The approach is all important, and not the problem.

你可能会或可能不会看到这种沉闷降临在他身上的方式。但是，如果你要口头上指出来，你真的在帮助他吗？难道他不是必须自己发现吗？请看这个的重要性，这样你就不会不耐烦或焦虑了。一个人可以帮助另一个人，但他只能，他必须独自进入发现的旅程。生命并不容易；它非常复杂，但我们必须简单地靠近它。我们是问题所在；问题不在于我们所说的生命。我们能理解这个问题，也就是我们自己，只有当我们知道如何靠近它的时候。着手方式很重要，而不是问题。