SHE WAS A teacher, or rather had been one. She was affectionate and kindly, and this had almost become a routine. She said she had taught for over twenty-five years and had been happy in it; and although towards the end she had wanted to get away from the whole thing, she had stuck to it. Recently she had begun to realize what was deeply buried in her nature. She had suddenly discovered it during one of the discussions, and it had really surprised and shocked her. It was there, and it wasn’t a mere self-accusation; and as she looked back through the years she could now see that it had always been there. She really hated. It was not hatred of anyone in particular, but a feeling of general hate, a suppressed antagonism towards everyone and everything. When she first discovered it, she thought it was something very superficial which she could easily throw off; but as the days went by she found that it wasn’t just a mild affair, but a deep-rooted hatred which had been going on all her life. What shocked her was that she had always thought she was affectionate and kind.
她是一名老师，或者更确切地说，她曾经是一名教师。 她深情善良，这几乎成了例行公事。 她说她教了二十五年多，并且一直很开心。 虽然到最后她一直想摆脱整件事，但她坚持了下来。 最近，她开始意识到某些深埋在她的本性中的东西。 她在一次讨论中突然发现了它， 这真的让她感到惊讶和震惊。 它就在那里，这不仅仅是一种自我指责； 当她回顾这些年时，她现在可以看到它一直在那里。 她很恨。这不是对任何人的仇恨， 而是一种普遍的仇恨感，一种对每个人和每件事的压抑的对抗。 当她第一次发现它时，她认为这是一个非常肤浅的东西， 以为可以轻易地甩掉； 但随着时间的流逝，她发现这不仅仅是一个微小的东西， 而是一种根深蒂固的仇恨，这种仇恨已经持续了一生。 令她震惊的是，她一直认为自己是深情和善良的。
Love is a strange thing; as long as thought is woven through it, it is not love. When you think of someone you love, that person becomes the symbol of pleasant sensations, memories, images; but that is not love. Thought is sensation, and sensation is not love. The very process of thinking is the denial of love. Love is the flame without the smoke of thought, of jealousy, of antagonism, of usage, which are things of the mind. As long as the heart is burdened with the things of the mind, there must be hate; for the mind is the seat of hate, of antagonism, of opposition, of conflict. Thought is reaction, and reaction is always, in one way or another, the source of enmity. Thought is opposition, hate; thought is always in competition, always seeking an end, success; its fulfilment is pleasure and its frustration is hate. Conflict is thought caught in the opposites; and the synthesis of the opposites is still hate, antagonism.
爱是一个奇怪的东西； 只要思想缠绕其上，它就不是爱。 当你想到你爱的人时， 这个人就变成了愉快的感觉、记忆、形象；但，那不是爱。 思想是感觉，感觉不是爱。 思考即是对爱的否定。 爱是火焰，不存在思想、嫉妒、对抗、利用 —— 这些都是头脑的物什。 只要心里担负着头脑的产物，就一定在恨； 因为头脑是仇恨、敌对、反抗和冲突的座驾。 思想就是反应，而反应总是以这样或那样的方式，成为了敌意的源泉。 思想是反对，仇恨；思想总是在竞争，总是在追求终点，成功； 它的满足是快乐，它的沮丧是仇恨。 冲突即是思想被卡在对立面之中； 而对立面的综合依然是仇恨、对抗。
“You see, I always thought I loved the children, and even when they grew up they used to come to me for comfort when they were in trouble. I took it for granted that I loved them, especially those who were my favorites away from the classroom; but now I see there has always been an undercurrent of hate, of deep-rooted antagonism. What am I to do with this discovery? You have no idea how appalled I am by it, and though you say we must not condemn, this discovery has been very salutary.”
“你看，我总以为我爱孩子们， 即使他们长大了，当他们遇到麻烦时，他们也经常来找我安慰。 我理所当然地认为我爱他们， 特别是那些远离教室的人。 但现在我看到，一直有一股仇恨的暗流、根深蒂固的敌意。 我该如何处理这个发现？ 你不知道我对此有多震惊， 虽然你说我们不能谴责，这一发现是非常有益的。”
Have you also discovered the process of hate? To see the cause, to know why you hate, is comparatively easy; but are you aware of the ways of hate? Do you observe it as you would a strange new animal? “It is all so new to me, and I have never watched the process of hate.”
你也发现了仇恨的过程吗？ 看到原因，知道你为什么恨，是相对容易的； 但是你知道仇恨的纹理吗？你是否像观察一种奇怪的新动物一样观察它？ “这对我来说太新鲜了，我从来没有看过仇恨的生产过程。”
Let us do so now and see what happens; let us be passively watchful of hate as it unrolls itself. Don’t be shocked, don’t condemn or find excuses; just passively watch it. Hate is a form of frustration, is it not? Fulfilment and frustration always go together.
让我们现在就这样做，看看在发生什么; 让我们被动地警觉仇恨，那么它会自然展开。 不要感到震惊，不要谴责或寻找借口；只是被动地看它。 仇恨是一种受挫的形式，不是吗？成就感和挫折感总是并肩同行的。
What are you interested in, not professionally, but deep down? “I always wanted to paint.”
你对什么感兴趣，不是在职业上，而是在内心深处？“我一直想画画。”
Why haven’t you? “My father used to insist that I should not do anything that didn’t bring in money. He was a very aggressive man, and money was to him the end of all things; he never did a thing if there was no money in it, or if it didn’t bring more prestige, more power. ‘More’ was his god, and we were all his children. Though I liked him, I was opposed to him in so many ways. This idea of the importance of money was deeply embedded in me; and I liked teaching, probably because it offered me an opportunity to be the boss. On my holidays I used to paint, but it was most unsatisfactory; I wanted to give my life to it, and I actually gave only a couple of months a year. Finally I stopped painting, but it was burning inwardly. I see now how it was breeding antagonism.”
你为什么不画呢？ “我父亲曾经坚持认为，我不应该做任何不赚钱的事情。 他是一个非常有侵略性的人，对他来说，钱是一切的目的。 如果没有钱，或者如果它没有带来更多的声望，更多的权力， 他永远不会做任何事情。 ‘更多’是他的上帝，而我们都是他的孩子。 虽然我喜欢他，但我在很多方面都反对他。 关于金钱重要性的观念深深植根于我心中。 我喜欢教书，可能是因为它给了我一个当老板的机会。 在我的假期里，我曾经画画，但它是最不令人满意的。 我想为它献出我的生命，而我实际上每年只付出几个月。 最后，我停止了绘画，但它正在内心燃烧。 我现在明白它是如何滋生对抗的。”
Were you ever married? Have you children of your own? “I fell in love with a married man, and we lived together secretly. I was furiously jealous of his wife and children, and I was scared to have babies, though I longed for them. All the natural things the everyday companionship and so on, were denied me, and jealousy was a consuming fury. He had to move to another town, and my jealousy never abated. It was an unbearable thing. To forget it all, I took to teaching more intensely. But now I see I am still jealous, not of him, for he is dead, but of happy people, of married people, of the successful, of almost any one. What we could have been together was denied to us!”
你结过婚吗？你们有自己的孩子吗？ “我爱上了一个已婚男人，我们秘密地住在一起。 我非常嫉妒他的妻子和孩子， 我害怕生孩子，尽管我渴望他们。 所有平常的事物，日常的陪伴等等，都被剥夺了， 而嫉妒成了一种消耗性的愤怒。 他不得不搬到另一个城镇，而我的嫉妒从未消退。 这是一件难以忍受的事情。为了忘记这一切，我开始更密集地教学。 但现在我看到我仍然嫉妒，不是嫉妒他，因为他死了， 而是嫉妒快乐的人，嫉妒已婚的人，嫉妒成功的人，嫉妒几乎任何人。 我们本来可以在一起的机会被剥夺了！”
Jealousy is hate, is it not? If one loves, there is no room for anything else. But we do not love; the smoke chokes our life, and the flame dies. “I can see now that in school, with my married sisters, and in almost all my relationships, there was war going on, only it was covered up. I was becoming the ideal teacher; to become the ideal teacher was my goal, and I was being recognized as such.”
嫉妒即是仇恨，不是吗？ 如果一个人爱，就没有其他任何东西的立足之地。但是我们不爱； 烟雾窒息我们的生命，而火焰熄灭了。 “我现在可以看到，在学校里，和我已婚的姐妹们，在我几乎所有的关系中， 都有战争在进行，只是它被掩盖了。 我正在成为理想的老师； 成为理想的老师是我的目标，而我得到了认可。”
The stronger the ideal, the deeper the suppression, the deeper the conflict and antagonism.
理想越强烈，压制越深，冲突和对抗就越深。
“Yes, I see all that now; and strangely, as I watch, I don’t mind being what I actually am.”
“是的，我现在看到了这一切。 奇怪的是，当我观看时，我并不介意成为我真正的样子。”
You don’t mind it because there is a kind of brutal recognition, is there not? This very recognition brings a certain pleasure; it gives vitality, a sense of confidence in knowing yourself, the power of knowledge. As jealousy, though painful, gave a pleasurable sensation, so now the knowledge of your past gives you a sense of mastery which is also pleasurable. You have now found a new term for jealousy, for frustration, for being left: it is hate and the knowledge of it. There is pride in knowing, which is another form of antagonism. We move from one substitution to another; but essentially, all substitutions are the same, though verbally they may appear to be dissimilar. So you are caught in the net of your own thought, are you not?
你不介意，因为有一种残酷的认知，不是吗？ 这种认可带来了某种快乐。 它给人一种活力，一种理解自己的自信感，知识的力量。 嫉妒虽然痛苦，却给人一种愉悦的感觉， 所以现在，对你的过去的了解带给你一种掌控感，这也是令人愉悦的。 你现在已经找到了一个新的术语来形容嫉妒、沮丧、抛弃： 它就是仇恨和对它的认识。 在认识的过程中，产生了自豪，这是另一种形式的对抗。 我们从一个替代品转移到另一个替代品； 但从本质上讲，所有替代品都是相同的，尽管在言语上它们可能看起来不同。 所以你陷入了自己思维之网，不是吗？
“Yes, but what else can one do?”
“是的，但人还能做什么？”
Don’t ask, but watch the process of your own thinking. How cunning and deceptive it is! It promises release, but only produces another crisis, another antagonism. Just be passively watchful of this and let the truth of it be. “Will there be freedom from jealousy, from hate, from this constant, suppressed battle?”
不要问，而是观察你自身的念想。 它多么地狡猾和虚伪！它承诺了缓和，却制造了另一场危机，另一种对抗。 只是被动地看，让它的真相浮出。 “会有免于嫉妒、仇恨，从这场持续不断的、压抑的战斗中解脱出来吗？”
When you are hoping for something positively or negatively, you are projecting your own desire; you will succeed in your desire, but that is only another substitution, and so the battle is on again. This desire to gain or to avoid is still within the field of opposition, is it not? See the false as the false, then the truth is. You don’t have to look for it. What you seek you will find, but it will not be truth. It is like a suspicious man finding what he suspects, which is comparatively easy and stupid. Just be passively aware of this total thought process, and also of the desire to be free of it. “All this has been an extraordinary discovery for me, and I am beginning to see the truth of what you are saying. I hope it won’t take more years to go beyond this conflict. There I am hoping again! I shall silently watch and see what happens.”
当你抱有希望时，无论是积极的或消极的， 你就正在投射你自己的欲望； 你会在你的愿望中成功，但那只是另一个替代品， 因此战斗再次开始。 这种获取或避免的欲望仍然在对抗的领域之内，不是吗？ 假即是假，那么真实即在。您不必去寻找它。 你所寻求的，你终将发现，但它不会是真理。 这就像心怀疑虑的人寻找他所怀疑的东西，这是相对容易和愚蠢的。 只要被动地意识到这整个思维过程，以及想摆脱它的欲望。 “所有这一切对我来说都是一个非凡的发现， 我开始看到你所说的真相。 我希望不要再花几年时间才能超越这场冲突。哈！我又在希望。 我将静静地观察，看看会发生什么。”