HER SON HAD recently died, and she said she did not know what to do now. She had so much time on her hands, she was so bored and weary and sorrowful that she was ready to die. She had brought him up with loving care and intelligence, and he had gone to one of the best schools and to college. She had not spoiled him, though he had had everything that was necessary. She had put her faith and hope in him, and had given him all her love; for there was no one else to share it with, she and her husband having separated long ago. Her son had died through some wrong diagnosis and operation – though, she added smilingly, the doctors said that the operation was “successful.” Now she was left alone, and life seemed so vain and pointless. She had wept when he died, until there were no more tears, but only a dull and weary emptiness. She had had such plans for both of them, but now she was utterly lost.
她的儿子最近去世了，她说，她现在不知道该怎么办。 她手头上有那么多时间， 她很无聊、很疲惫、很悲伤，她已经准备去死了。 她以爱的关怀和智慧抚养他长大， 他一直在那些最好的学校里读书，上大学。 她没有宠坏他，尽管他拥有一切必要的东西。 她把她的信心和希望放在他身上， 并把她所有的爱都给了他。 因为没有其他人可分享， 她和她的丈夫，很久以前就分居了。 她的儿子死于一些错误的诊断和手术 —— 不过，她微笑着补充说，医生说手术是“成功的”。 现在她独自一人，生命似乎如此空虚和散漫。 当他去世时，她哭泣了，直到不再有更多的眼泪， 却只剩下一种沉闷和疲惫的空虚。 她曾经对他们俩都有这样那样的计划， 但现在，她完全地迷茫。
The breeze was blowing from the sea, cool and fresh, and under the tree it was quiet. The colours on the mountains were vivid, and the blue jays were very talkative. A cow wandered by, followed by her calf, and a squirrel dashed up a tree, wildly chattering. It sat on a branch and began to scold, and the scolding went on for a long time, its tail bobbing up and down. It had such sparkling bright eyes and sharp claws. A lizard came out to warm itself, and caught a fly. The tree tops were gently swaying, and a dead tree against the sky was straight and splendid. It was being bleached by the sun. There was another dead tree beside it, dark and curving, more recent in its decay. A few clouds rested on the distant mountains.
微风从海边吹来，凉爽清新，树下很安静。 群山的色彩鲜艳，蓝鸦很健谈。 一头母牛走了过来，后面跟着她的小牛，一只松鼠冲上树，疯狂地喋喋不休。 它坐在树枝上，开始责骂， 骂了很长一段时间，尾巴上下摆动着。 它有如此闪闪发光的明亮眼睛和锋利的爪子。 一只蜥蜴出来取暖，抓住了一只苍蝇。 树梢轻轻摇曳， 一棵枯树在天空的映衬下，笔挺而壮丽，它已经被太阳晒得发白。 旁边还有另一棵枯树，黑而弯曲，最近刚枯朽。 几朵云落在远处的山上。
What a strange thing is loneliness, and how frightening it is! We never allow ourselves to get too close to it; and if by chance we do, we quickly run away from it. We will do anything to escape from loneliness, to cover it up. Our conscious and unconscious preoccupation seems to be to avoid it or to overcome it. Avoiding and overcoming loneliness are equally futile; though suppressed or neglected, the pain, the problem, is still there. You may lose yourself in a crowd, and yet be utterly lonely; you may be intensely active, but loneliness silently creeps upon you; put the book down, and it is there. Amusements and drinks cannot drown loneliness; you may temporarily evade it, but when the laughter and the effects of alcohol are over, the fear of loneliness returns. You may be ambitious and successful, you may have vast power over others, you may be rich in knowledge, you may worship and forget yourself in the rigmarole of rituals; but do what you will, the ache of loneliness continues. You may exist only for your son, for the Master, for the expression of your talent; but like the darkness, loneliness covers you. You may love or hate, escape from it according to your temperament and psychological demands; but loneliness is there, waiting and watching, withdrawing only to approach again.
孤独是多么奇怪的事情，它是多么可怕啊！ 我们决不允许自己离它太近； 如果我们偶然这样做了，我们很快就会逃离它。 我们会做任何事情来逃避孤独，掩盖它。 我们似乎在有意和无意地专注于避免它或克服它。 避免和克服孤独，都是徒劳的； 虽然它被压抑或忽视，但是痛苦、问题仍然在那儿。 你可能会迷失在人群中，但却非常地孤独； 你可能非常活跃，但孤独悄悄地向你侵袭； 放下书本，它就在那里。 娱乐和饮酒不能淹没孤独；你可能会暂时逃离它， 但是当笑声和酒精的影响结束时，对孤独的恐惧又回来了。 你可能雄心勃勃、很成功， 你可能对别人有巨大的权力， 你可能拥有丰富的知识， 你可能在仪式的冗长过程中，崇拜偶像并忘却了自己； 尽管你做了想做的事，但孤独的痛苦，仍在继续。 你的存在，可能只是为了你的儿子，为了主人，为了展现你的才能； 但就像黑暗一样，孤独笼罩着你。 你可能爱或恨，根据你的气质和心理要求，去逃离它； 但孤独就在那里：等着你，看着你，撤退，只是为了再一次地接近。
Loneliness is the awareness of complete isolation; and are not our activities self-enclosing? Though our thoughts and emotions are expansive, are they not exclusive and dividing? Are we not seeking dominance in our relationships, in our rights and possessions, thereby creating resistance? Do we not regard work as “yours” and “mine”? Are we not identified with the collective, with the country, or with the few? Is not our whole tendency to isolate ourselves, to divide and separate? The very activity of the self, at whatever level, is the way of isolation; and loneliness is the consciousness of the self without activity. Activity, whether physical or psychological, becomes a means of self-expansion; and when there is no activity of any kind, there is an awareness of the emptiness of the self. It is this emptiness that we seek to fill, and in filling it we spend our life, whether at a noble or ignoble level. There may seem to be no sociological harm in filling this emptiness at a noble level; but illusion breeds untold misery and destruction, which may not be immediate. The craving to fill this emptiness – to run away from it, which is the same thing – cannot be sublimated or suppressed; for who is the entity that is to suppress or sublimate? Is not that very entity another form of craving? The objects of craving may vary, but is not all craving similar? You may change the object of your craving from drink to ideation; but without understanding the process of craving, illusion is inevitable.
孤独就是意识到完全的孤立； 我们的活动难道不是自我封闭的吗？ 虽然我们的思想和情感是广阔的，但它们不是排他性和分裂性的吗？ 难道我们不是在我们的关系中，在我们的权益和财产中， 寻求主导地位，从而生出抵抗吗？ 难道我们不认为工作是‘你的’和‘我的’吗？ 难道我们不是在认同集体、国家或少数人吗？ 难道我们不是完全地倾向于孤立自己、划分和分离吗？ 自我的活动本身，无论在什么层面上，都成为一条隔离的征途； 而孤独，是意识到自我的活动结束了。 活动，无论是身体上的还是心理层面上的，都成为自我扩张的一种手段； 当活动清场了， 就意识到自我的空虚。 这种空虚，正是我们试图填补的， 在填补它的过程中，我们度过了我们的一生，无论是在高贵的还是卑鄙的层面上。 在高贵的层面上填补这种空虚，似乎没有社会学上的伤害。 但幻觉滋生了数不尽的痛苦和破坏，这些痛苦和破坏可能不是直接的。 渴望填补这种空虚 —— 或者逃避它，这两者是一回事 —— 是无法被升华或压制的。 因为，这个要压制或升华的实体是谁？ 这个实体不就是另一种形式的渴望吗？ 渴望的对象可能各不相同，但是，所有的渴望不都是相似吗？ 你可以把你的渴望对象，从喝酒变成观念； 但是，不理解渴望的过程，幻觉是不可避免的。
There is no entity separate from craving; there is only craving, there is no one who craves. Craving takes on different masks at different times, depending on its interests. The memory of these varying interests meets the new, which brings about conflict, and so the chooser is born, establishing himself as an entity separate and distinct from craving. But the entity is not different from its qualities. The entity who tries to fill or run away from emptiness, incompleteness, loneliness, is not different from that which he is avoiding; he is it. He cannot run away from himself; all that he can do is to understand himself. He is his loneliness, his emptiness; and as long as he regards it as something separate from himself, he will be in illusion and endless conflict. When he directly experiences that he is his own loneliness, then only can there be freedom from fear. Fear exists only in relationship to an idea, and idea is the response of memory as thought. Thought is the result of experience; and though it can ponder over emptiness, have sensations with regard to it, it cannot know emptiness directly. The word “loneliness,” with its memories of pain and fear, prevents the experiencing of it afresh. The word is memory, and when the word is no longer significant, then the relationship between the experiencer and the experienced is wholly different; then that relationship is direct and not through a word, through memory; then the experiencer is the experience, which alone brings freedom from fear.
实体与渴望是不可分的； 只存在渴望，没有那个渴望者。 渴望在不同的时间戴上不同的面具，这取决于它的兴致。 有着不同兴趣的记忆撞见了新事物， 引发冲突，因此，挑选者诞生了， 他自己幻化成一个独立于渴望的实体。 但这个实体，与它的品质并无不同。 这个实体试图填补或逃避空虚、不完整、孤独， 与他要逃避的东西没有什么不同； 他就是它。 他不能逃避自己；他所能做的就是理解自己。 他是他的孤独，他的空虚； 而只要他把它看成是与自己分离的东西， 他就会陷入幻觉和无休止的冲突之中。 当他直接体验到‘他即是他拥有的孤独’时， 那么，唯有如此，才能从恐惧中解脱。 恐惧只存在于与一个观念的关系中， 而观念即是回忆 —— 思想的回音。 思想是体验的结果； 虽然它可以沉思空虚，拥有与它相关的感觉， 但它不能直接地知道空虚。 ‘孤独’这个词，以及它对痛苦和恐惧的回忆， 阻碍对它的这种更新地体验。 这个词就是记忆，当这个词不再重要时， 那么体验者和体验之间的关系，就完全地不同了； 那么，这种关系是直接的，而不是通过一个词，通过记忆； 那时，体验者即是体验，只有这样才能带来对恐惧的解脱。
Love and emptiness cannot abide together; when there is the feeling of loneliness, love is not. You may hide emptiness under the word “love,” but when the object of your love is no longer there or does not respond, then you are aware of emptiness, you are frustrated. We use the word “love” as a means of escaping from ourselves, from our own insufficiency. We cling to the one we love, we are jealous, we miss him when he is not there and are utterly lost when he dies; and then we seek comfort in some other form, in some belief, in some substitute. Is all this love? Love is not an idea, the result of association; love is not something to be used as an escape from our own wretchedness and when we do so use it, we make problems which have no solutions. Love is not an abstraction, but its reality can be experienced only when idea, mind, is no longer the supreme factor.
爱和空虚不共戴天； 当有孤独感时，爱就不存在。 你可能会把空虚藏在「爱」这个词下面， 但当你爱的对象不再存在或没有回应时， 你就意识到空虚，你就会感到沮丧。 我们用「爱」这个词来逃避我们自己，逃避我们自己的匮乏。 我们紧紧抓住我们所爱的人，我们嫉妒， 当他不在的时候，我们想念他，当他死去时，我们完全迷失了； 然后我们以某种其他形式、某种信仰、某种替代品，来寻求安慰。 这一切都是爱吗？ 爱不是一个观念，一个联想的结果； 爱不是用来逃避我们自己的悲惨的东西， 当我们这样做，我们就会制造出无法解决的问题。 爱不是一种抽象， 但是，只有当观念、头脑不再是至高无上的因素时，它的真实性才能被体验。