SHE HAD BEEN married for a number of years, but had had no children; she was unable to have them, and was gravely disturbed by this fact. Her sisters had children, and why was she cursed? She had been married quite young, as was the custom, and had seen a lot of suffering; but she had known quiet joy too. Her husband was some kind of bureaucrat in a big corporation or Government department. He too was concerned about their not having children, but it appeared that he was becoming reconciled to this fact; and besides, she added, he was a very busy man. One could see that she dominated him, though not too heavily. She leaned on him, and so she could not help dominating him. Since she had no children, she was trying to fulfil herself in him; but in this she was disappointed, for he was weak and she had to take charge of things. In the office, she said smilingly, he was considered a stickler, a tyrant who threw his weight around; but at home he was mild and easy going. She wanted him to fit into a certain pattern, and she was forcing him, of course very gently, into her mould; but he was not coming up to scratch. She had nobody to lean on and give her love to.

她已经结婚多年，但没有孩子。 她无法拥有他们，并且对这个事实感到非常不安。 她的姐妹们有孩子，为什么她会被诅咒？ 依照习俗，她很早就结婚了，并且经历了很多痛苦。 但她也知道安静的喜悦。 她的丈夫是大公司或政府部门的某个当官的。 他也担心他们没有孩子， 但他似乎正在适应这一事实。 此外，她补充说，他是一个非常忙碌的人。 人可以看到她控制了他，虽然不是太过分。 她依靠他，所以她忍不住控制了他。 由于她没有孩子，她试图通过他来满足自己。 但在这方面，她很失望，因为他很软弱，她必须负责。 在办公室里，她笑着说， 他被认为是一个苛刻的人，一个四处仗势欺人的暴君。 但在家里，他温柔而随和。 她想让他适应某种模式， 她强迫他，当然，是很温柔地，进入她的模式； 但他并没有达到她的要求。 她没有人可以倚靠，也没有人可以给她爱。

The idea is more important to us than the fact; the concept of what one should be has more significance than what one is. The future is always more alluring than the present. The image, the symbol, is of greater worth than the actual; and on the actual we try to superimpose the idea, the pattern. So we create a contradiction between what is and what should be. What should be is the idea, the fiction, and so there is a conflict between the actual and the illusion – not in themselves, but in us. We like the illusion better than the actual; the idea is more appealing, more satisfying, and so we cling to it. Thus the illusion becomes the real and the actual becomes the false, and in this conflict between the so-called real and the so-called false we are caught.

对我们来说，观念比事实更重要。 ‘一个人应该是那样’的概念，比‘一个人实际是这样’更有意义。 未来总是比现在更有吸引力。 那个图像，那个符号，比实际的样子，更伟大； 在实际的样子上，我们试图融入那种观念、那个模式之内。 因此，我们在‘实际是什么’和‘应该是什么’之间，制造出矛盾。 ‘应该是什么’是观念，是虚构的， 因此，有了一场现实和幻觉之间的冲突 —— 不是在它们之间，而是在我们身上。 我们更喜欢幻觉而不是现实； 这个观念更有吸引力，更令人满意，所以我们选择了它。 那么，梦想成真，而真实成了虚伪， 在这场所谓的真实与虚伪之间的冲突中，我们被抓牢了。

Why do we cling to the idea, deliberately or unconsciously, and put aside the actual? The idea, the pattern, is self-projected; it is a form of self-worship, of self-perpetuation, and hence gratifying. The idea gives power to dominate, to be assertive, to guide, to shape; and in the idea, which is self-projected, there is never the denial of the self, the disintegration of the self. So the pattern or idea enriches the self; and this is also considered to be love. I love my son or my husband and I want him to be this or that, I want him to be something other than he is.

为什么我们要有意识地或无意识地坚持观念，而把真实抛在一边？ 观念、模式，是自我的影子； 它是一种自我陶醉、自我延续的方式，因此是令人满意的。 观念被赋予了权力：支配、武断、指导、塑造； 在观念之中，在自我的投影之下， 从来不会拒绝自我、裂解自我。 因此，模式或观念，丰富了自我； 这也被认为是爱。 我爱我的儿子或我的丈夫，我希望他成为这个或那个， 我希望他成为那个人的样子。

If we are to understand what is, the pattern or idea must be put aside. To set aside the idea becomes difficult only when there is no urgency in the understanding of what is. Conflict exists in us between the idea and what is because the self-projected idea offers greater satisfaction than what is. It is only when what is, the actual, has to be faced that the pattern is broken; so it is not a matter of how to be free from the idea, but of how to face the actual. It is possible to face the actual only when there is an understanding of the process of gratification, the way of the self.

如果我们要理解现状，就必须把模式或观念抛在脑后。 扔掉观念之所以很困难， 只有一个原因：缺乏理解现状的紧迫感。 在我们内心深处，这个观念和现状之间存在冲突， 因为自我的投影下的观念，提供了比现状更大的满足感。 只有当必须面对现状的时候，模式才会被打破； 因此，它不是一个如何从观念中解脱的问题，而是如何面对现实的问题。 只有理解满足的机理、自我的方式， 才有可能面对现实。

We all seek self-fulfilment, though in many different ways: through money or power, through children or husband, through country or idea, through service or sacrifice, through domination or submission. But is there self-fulfilment? The object of fulfilment is ever self-projected, self-chosen, so this craving to fulfil is a form of self-perpetuation. Whether consciously or unconsciously, the way of self-fulfilment is self-chosen, it is based on the desire for gratification, which must be permanent; so the search for self-fulfilment is the search for the permanency of desire. Desire is ever transient, it has no fixed abode; it may perpetuate for a time the object to which it clings, but desire in itself has no permanency. We are instinctively aware of this, and so we try to make permanent the idea, the belief, the thing, the relationship; but as this also is impossible, there is the creation of the experiencer as a permanent essence, the “I” separate and different from desire, the thinker separate and different from his thoughts. This separation is obviously false, leading to illusion.

我们都在寻求自我满足，尽管使用很多不同的方式： 通过金钱或权力，通过孩子或丈夫，通过国家或思想， 通过服务或牺牲，通过统治或服从。 但是自我满足了吗？ 满足的对象永远是自我投射的阴影，是自我挑选出来的， 所以这种对满足的渴望，是一种自我延续的形式。 无论是有意的还是无意的，自我满足的方式都是它自己选择的， 它是基于对满意度的欲望，这种欲望必须持续； 因此，对自我满足的追求，就是对欲望持久性的追求。 欲望永远是短暂的，它没有固定的住所； 它可能会在一段时间内使它所依附的对象永久化， 但欲望本身没有持久性。我们本能地意识到这一点， 所以我们试图使这个观念、信仰、这个东西、这段关系持久化； 但是，由于这也是不可能的， 体验者捏造一个影子，把它当作一个永恒的本质， 这就是‘我’，一个与欲望分离的影子， 一个思考者，与他的思想分离、并且不同于欲望。 这种分离，显然是虚伪的，导致了幻觉。

The search for permanency is the everlasting cry of self-fulfilment; but the self can never fulfil, the self is impermanent, and that in which it fulfils must also he impermanent. Self-continuity is decay; in it there is no transforming element nor the breath of the new. The self must end for the new to be. The self is the idea, the pattern, the bundle of memories; and each fulfilment is the further continuity of idea, of experience. Experience is always conditioning; the experiencer is ever separating and differentiating himself from experience. So there must be freedom from experience, from the desire to experience. Fulfilment is the way of covering up inward poverty, emptiness, and in fulfilment there is sorrow and pain.

追求永生，自我满足在不停地呐喊； 但自我永远无法满足， 自我是无常的，它所满足的也必定是无常的。 自我的延续，就是腐败；在其中没有转变的因子，也没有新鲜的气息。 自我必须结束，新的才能存在。 自我是一捆观念、模式、记忆； 每一次的满足都是思想和体验进一步地延续。 体验总是局限性的； 体验者总是将自己与体验分割，并区别对待。 因此，必须从体验中解脱，从对体验的欲望中解脱。 满足是掩盖内在贫穷、空虚的方式， 而在满足中，有着悲伤与痛苦。